Dating after Divorce

[Twofeet]

I think on that scale the importance of sex in a R is a 9 or 10 for me. I see it as one of the best ways to show love, emotional bond, and share that intimacy and connection. It's just how I am wired. Now for XW it was much lower on the scale, and always has been. I had clues of this before marriage, but when you value waiting till marriage there are consequences to upholding those values. In as far as frequency goes I had to lower my expectations and she had to increase her willingness and we had to meet somewhere in the middle. Its not a show stopper however with anything involving 2 parties there is always a compromise/workaround. However, I must say due the difference in our drives and my XW being a taker and not a giver, I began to develop covert contracts for sex. It caused problems, but it wasn't what caused the downfall of our MR.

I am also reading what some of you are saying about sex and the woman having lower drive or pain due to problems in the MR, love, feeling safe, etc. Sometimes I am sure that is the case and sometimes it is not. My XW had some pain related issues that appeared to be hereditary and sought help from her OB/GYN on the issue. Some of this was an issue even before sex with just lady Dr. visits causing pain/problems. For XW the sex related pain really didn't go away until after the birth of our first child. Some of her issues were also HUGE mental hangups. So big of mental hangups I often wondered if something happened to her as a child/teenager. These hangups extended beyond just sex to feminine issues that occurred up to BD, but beyond I don't know anymore. So maybe it was me and maybe with a new partner her scale will ramp up, but I kind of doubt it since some of her problems extended beyond sex.

So like everyone here I think valuing sex in a R on the same level (both in frequency and quality), is important. I do wonder if one values more or less than the other is that a no go or if both of you are willing to be complementary and compromise does that work as well?