Midlife crisis wife

[Wolfman]

Thank you everyone for your responses. Right now I don’t think there is a OM. I hired a Private investigator and they followed her a few times and nothing. Could she be having an EA, possibly never looked at her phone.

Just want to update and get everyone’s opinion on what happened yesterday and this morning. We are both teachers in different buildings. We had our winter recess last week, this was the first time we ever went away without each other. She took the kids on a cruise and I visited family in Florida. So, yesterday we both got back home and she was obviously in a bad mood that the vacation was over. One of our issues has been I like the house neat and clean and she doesn’t care. Since our separation I don’t go crazy cleaning the house anymore. So, it gets a bit messy now but I don’t care. One of the first things she wants to tell me about is house the house is a disaster and what a mess it is and asked me if I stopped cleaning up. I told her I was still straightening up it’s just that my 2 kids are slobs and keep making a mess. She said the house is disgusting and that she could just give it away. So, I validated her feelings that the house is a mess and the kids need to do a better job at cleaning. Then later on she started to tell me how relaxed she was on the cruise that there were no problems. Except for my D who is 11 who always is a pain in the butt. Obviously on a cruise you will be relaxed it’s vacation. She tries to push my buttons because in the past I use to have a temper. I told her I am glad it was relaxing.

We have a joint account that we both put money into to pay all the house bills and kids activities. Well, this past month there were some extra bills due. So the account was overdrawn by about $700. I told her I put $800 extra in and that she needs to put $800 in now too. She was pissed. She said, I don’t understand where is all of our money going?” I told her there extra bills due (kids insurance policy, dance fees). She was implying like I am taking extra money. I told her I would show her the checking account and what’s going out. But she didn’t want to see it. Then a few minutes later I see my daughter crying. My wife went into her room to talk to her. When I peeked my head in my wife was hugging her and my D was sobbing. I said what’s the matter, she replied she misses being on the cruise. I said I understand. But then when my wife walked out, she said she doesn’t want to be home because of the situation in the house. My D never said that. She always try’s to make me feel bad because she wants me out of the house. I told my wife what do you want me to do? She said she just wants this divorce to be done and that we have months before it will be finalized. I told her we have mediation on Thursday, I don’t know what else she wants me to do.

Yesterday was also my wife’s 40th birthday. I took everyone’s advice and took my daughter to the store to get her a small birthday cake and card from the kids with a gift certificate. I told her I can see your are mad and upset but just wanted to let her know that’s the kids got her a cake for her birthday. So, she agreed to go downstairs so we could sing happy birthday to her and have some cake. After that her mood changed and she was happy. Then they all started to share funny things that happened on the cruise for a few minutes. Then the kids went to bed.

This morning before work I went to say good bye to everyone. I go in each kids room then to my wife where she is usually in the bathroom getting ready. I go to say good bye. And she apologized for being so angry towards me yesterday. She said this whole situation just is horrible. That it’s hard on everyone and she thanked me for the cake. I told her I am sorry that this is happening. She said I don’t need to apologize anymore but here’s the thing. She said she wishes I have been doing these things sooner. And right now she has so much anger inside of her. Again, I said I should have been doing these things sooner. She said I know and then I said good bye and left. Does this mean my changes are working and I just need to be patient? Or is there something else?