Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY

[mikeyb]

I'd just tell the MIL:

"MIL, I am comfortable handling my finances from here out, thanks for all of your help!" If you must reiterate, leave the velvet gloves on but be firm.

As for liquidating the 401(k), I first wonder how it is in both of your names? Or do you each have one? Obviously, the tax implications are set up to be prohibitive in terms of liquidating the 401(k). Don't hurt yourself long term, protect yourself! Act in your best interests here. I thought your MIL was a financial savant of sorts, why is her daughter considering cashing in a 401(k)? It makes me wonder if your MIL has taken you as far as she can in terms of financial knowledge.

The MIL is wanting both of us to cash out each of our 401K to move along our way as quickly as possible instead of allowing us to natural progress through whatever happens. Apparently, she has been pushing my W to know whats going on in terms of where we stand and where we are going and why things haven't progressed further. And the W told her, to not push it and it takes time.

I want to address this with the W first though, mostly because the whole trust issue began with finances. And I don't want to just assume control and push her further away in terms of trust. The W knows her mother likes to have control of anything she can, and she seems to be trying to control our money, relationship, and everything in between. How should I bring this up to the W? I wanted the W to take over controlling the finances with me helping her. Should I do something like this:

H: I am not liking the way things are heading with your mom controlling the finances
W: Why
H: She is asking me to liquidate my 401K, my savings for the future. She also told me she is wanting to be done with it anyway, my proposal is either you assume control of the finances or I will put my money into my own account and pay you what is needed