Just keep swimming, I know I can, New beginning

[marina7]

DnJ,

Thank you,

And yes about the conversation with friends is just a hard to
even try to explain. I remember in the beginning me also not
Believing this MLC crap but as you said, Our LBS stories
Are very Similar. So am glad I was able to change the conversation

And hoping not to talk about it.

So to answer your question,

What do I want with W. That's a hard one, I know right now
I am finding me again and realizing I need to still work on me
And also I must say my Wall and guard is up high.

But when I see W I see the person I loved once, I still get butterflies
In my stomach, but I also realized that it could be my nerves not
Butterflies because W is so unpredictable.

Honestly I want W first to fix herself, for W to find her peace
Then W to start a relationship with our kids and maybe who knows

I know that W was the love of my life. I knew I wanted to grow
Old with W. I knew once I was diagnosed with MS that I wanted W
There holding my hand and if I ever died I wanted W there when
I took my last breath. W and I had a love story. We fought for our
Love, we fought for our marriage to be able to get married legally
We fought for our kids it wasn't an easy Adoption. Our love was
Not easy but we loved each other as I thought.

So about me 13yrs ago got diagnosed with Lupus then 4yrs ago.
When I almost died I was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis that
Was attacking my brain doctors said MS is something that only
Time will tell. I take seizures medication and kidney medications
But also eat healthy and was never in drugs or drinker so for me
And doctors am in good shape I do have my bad days, legs give out
Pain, and I lose grip of drinks or pots not often but it happens.

I then 2yrs ago got hurt at work. Almost lost my left hand but with
Many physical therapy and surgeries and two major spine surgery
Am getting there. I got 80% of nerve damage is left arm and shoulder
So if you know how workers comp goes then I must do what they ask

I do what I have to do. My dream is so many.
My goal is honestly to heal.
Live life and worry less that's my mantra now.

If up to me is too live in a farm, one of each animal
And W is there.
And to have a small little business nothing to big
Enough for me able to run the business. I have done
Over 20yrs in Business management but I always loved
To cook.

Before seizures and W leaving I work for Money to have New
Cars, Nice home and live under my means now I want live first
And am learning that.

No car is not fix. It's over 1,000 job with parts. Then I look around
There is mechanic school where I only pay for parts thank God
Still around $500 but better than over 1,000

I know am trying my best usually when it rains it pours but God has
A plan.

One day at a time