Dating after Divorce

[DonH]

Glad you moved this topic here Pinn - this way it's not on any one person's thread so no one has to feel like it's about them or it's opportunistic picking upon/on.

As soon as I read the question and before seeing the other responses, 8 popped into my head for me. It was interesting to see others were in that same 7 to 9 range. Just as interesting if not more so was that many said during their M's it dropped closer to a 4 or a 5. THIS is exactly what I was trying to point out when this topic started up elsewhere. It's interesting to see how things get to a 4 or 5 even with people that otherwise think they are in the 7 to 9 range. That is again what I was trying to get at yesterday.

However, my larger point, that may not have come through well, is that if we start out at a 4 or 5 now - with sort of a take it or leave, yeah I guess I could take it if the other person wants it - type of attitude, will that 4-5 drop to a 1-2 after years of M?

Like some of you have already stated, I too thought sex was of less important - I was clearly wrong. I've since taken notice by so so so many "experts" of how important sex is within a M. Like I think Ginger may have said on the other thread, it's as much a barometer of other aspects of the M. Also like she said, it's very much a factor of the other person. I can tell you I have functioned very well all over the scale (my partners may have functioned less so) but I often have taken the lead from them. My latest encounter was extremely high on the sex scale and I went right there with her. The woman I dated in Fall (although probably not long enough to really tell) seemed much lower - and I too followed that lead. What trumps them all, however, is the physical touch and non-sexual "intimacy" that the other person provides, if that makes sense.

I'm getting close to rambling so I'd better stop while I'm ahead, but not before one questions:

If it is a 8 for you and 2 for your partner no go. Vice versa.

While very true, I have to wonder, is it "normal" for someone in an otherwise healthy R to be at a 2? Let's take the stawman stuff out of it like wheel-chair-bound individuals, etc. Again, Ginger said she thought she hated sex when it was with her exH - she may have been that 2 we are talking about. She's now clearly at least an 8 (LOL) so in her case it was not "normal" to be at a 2. I submit the same thing with pain during sex - yes there could be physcial causes but it's amazing how that pain goes away when her partner goes away. And I could give dozens of other examples - I'm not trying to tie this to any specific sitch.

So, is it "normal" to be at a 2?