Just keep swimming, I know I can, New beginning

[DnJ]

Awesome news about 2nd opinion. And wow, agreement.

That made me feel good and I am going on the right direction

You, dear girl, are most definitely going in the right direction. (((marina)))

DnJ

[peacetoday]

M

I like the fact that W is guessing about who you are with-
and it is bothering her
be mysterious in this area--just my opinion
not to overdo it, but if situation comes up as it did- well you did great

you can have fun plans, with a friend..(does not mean you have to do anything)
but we don't have to be so transparent either
she does not have to know you are home every night waiting on her return-

The DB coach always told me to do whatever behaviors bring them closer-
and stop the ones that push away

there is something very attractive about a LBS that creates a new life
and a littler mystery
new friends and activities and possible new closer friends--
none of her business what you are doing

[marina7]

DnJ Thank you (((( hugs))))

Peacetoday,yes W wants to know as lately
I been quite. And honestly accepting more friends dinner and
Movies outing.

Journaling,
Well first I am realizing yes out come isn't what I wanted
But it might be helping W. We all know W was all a MLCERS and runner
And vanisher and monster. I seriously should right a book about Mlcers all
In One.

So April we be on 24 months since BD but I know now it's been longer.
Thanks to FB and 2yrs ago W was already check out. I see the shark eyes
When W through me a huge surprise birthday party. It was like the last hoorah

I took lots of pictures and friends tagging me and W was always away
From me and couple times on the phone. Wow how didn't I see this.

Well I will be posting what happened today on phone call when
I called trio's just to say Hi.

W answered usually is the kid's who answer and usually because
They answer. I say hey Babies

W hi it's me
M oh sorry
W laughing stop M so d10 got invited to party and when I drop off boys
Also got invited and I say here.
M how cool
W yeah, do you want to talk to them
M No W I bet they having fun.
W yes, they are is interesting to see them
They are different, they are growing up M
I can't believe our babies aren't babies No more.
M yeah little tweens
W yeah I see what your saying take the time now that they want
To spend time. Is so weird seeing them.
M what you mean
W wow where do I begin they no longer look for me they laughing
Like they grown people. I am sitting here starring at them and just in all
M yeah little people
W yes is crazy M what happened to our babies
M they growing up. I am so happy to hear they are happy
W I am not they growing up, so this morning s9 snuggle with me
I smelled him he smelled like a baby but then I realized he is as almost
Tall as me.
W yelp. Wow M what happened... to our babies.
M enjoy them now while you can
W yeah your right what you said oneday we won't even get notice
M yelp. We will be wishing for hugs, kisses and them just watching a full
Movie
W I know your so right M, I will enjoy and just enjoy every moment
M yes am so happy for you
W good night M.
M goodnight

So it was interesting and was out with a mutual friend I was busy
And again as I stated I honestly thought it was the trio's.

Friend says wow how sad, I just nodded. No M, W once a strong
Amazing, smart women. W acts like Trios grew overnight

So here I am as many LBS how do we explain our world to friends
Who will say is BS...

Friend says W sounds like she wanted to talk, I said yeah it's been
Better since the last 2yrs almost.

F, yeah M I can't imagine. M btw I see the growth in you.
I would have said Bye or F U.... W
M I laughed I said am pass all that. I honestly feel sorry for
W.
F I can tell you so peacefully and calm.
M nodding yelp time does that to you,
F wow I known both of you 10yrs I would have not thought W
M I laughed I bet you thought it would be me
F hahaha no offense I honestly thought you would be the one
M hahaha I know trust me, I did
F WTF what you mean
M I had an emotional affair for almost 6 months
F wtf
M and I thought that wasn't cheating I am realizing it's worse
F omg... you have changed omg
M tears flowing am not perfect and won't say I had my mistakes and
Did my part for W.
F hell No W was soooo wrong.
M next time I will explain more of what W going through.
F ok, and friend started talking about her Ex H who I now can say
Also is going through MLC.

Once a hard working construction fit man lost everything and bloated
From drinking. So thin Living in mom basement just got arrested for not
Paying child support. Is freaking crazy. But friend also might be going
Through her fog... boyfriend of less then 6 month moved in but
I think f is hurting. F was married 27yrs. Wow...

Is crazy see so many families broken. What happened to once
Fighting for your family your home. In the 1950 couple's
Work on marriage now is easier to walk away. So sad... am such
A old soul I believe everything in this world could be fix...

Keeping it at zero.

One day at a time

[DnJ]

Good Moring marina

It is pretty weird to see the time travel our spouses do. To realize the kids are suddenly 2 years older. Happens during temp checks and other visits from within the tunnel. It is weird to witness, and really difficult to explain to someone else. From their point of view - “MLC is BS” is a lot easier. It is an interesting edge to walk, knowing what we know, and knowing others don’t want to know.

I’ve had to let go of some long time friends. I can see there is simply no point in destroying their world view of things. Also there is no way to actually get through, they have chosen a path with W, and away from me and kids.

You dear girl, are doing really well. I believe a while ago I called you remarkable, I am glad you didn’t make me a liar.

I am curious. Are you still hopeful for reconciliation, a new R with W, just coparenting, still standing, or standing down? I know how difficult the long view is. One day at a time is the correct way, I am just wondering what your desires are?

From a practical stand point, regardless of the long view with W, what about you? Job? Career? Custody? Still need a lawyer? Car repair?

If I recall you are successfully cooking and baking and selling it out of your house. I know you have medical issues; I am wondering if you could open a restaurant or a more permanent situation. Perhaps, working at a bakery or other already established business would provide a more stable source of income. Not sure if owner/operator of a food establishment appeals to you. You get some equity, a bank loan, or a business partner, and who knows. Just ideas, as I said, curious how you are doing?

DnJ

[marina7]

DnJ,

Thank you,

And yes about the conversation with friends is just a hard to
even try to explain. I remember in the beginning me also not
Believing this MLC crap but as you said, Our LBS stories
Are very Similar. So am glad I was able to change the conversation

And hoping not to talk about it.

So to answer your question,

What do I want with W. That's a hard one, I know right now
I am finding me again and realizing I need to still work on me
And also I must say my Wall and guard is up high.

But when I see W I see the person I loved once, I still get butterflies
In my stomach, but I also realized that it could be my nerves not
Butterflies because W is so unpredictable.

Honestly I want W first to fix herself, for W to find her peace
Then W to start a relationship with our kids and maybe who knows

I know that W was the love of my life. I knew I wanted to grow
Old with W. I knew once I was diagnosed with MS that I wanted W
There holding my hand and if I ever died I wanted W there when
I took my last breath. W and I had a love story. We fought for our
Love, we fought for our marriage to be able to get married legally
We fought for our kids it wasn't an easy Adoption. Our love was
Not easy but we loved each other as I thought.

So about me 13yrs ago got diagnosed with Lupus then 4yrs ago.
When I almost died I was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis that
Was attacking my brain doctors said MS is something that only
Time will tell. I take seizures medication and kidney medications
But also eat healthy and was never in drugs or drinker so for me
And doctors am in good shape I do have my bad days, legs give out
Pain, and I lose grip of drinks or pots not often but it happens.

I then 2yrs ago got hurt at work. Almost lost my left hand but with
Many physical therapy and surgeries and two major spine surgery
Am getting there. I got 80% of nerve damage is left arm and shoulder
So if you know how workers comp goes then I must do what they ask

I do what I have to do. My dream is so many.
My goal is honestly to heal.
Live life and worry less that's my mantra now.

If up to me is too live in a farm, one of each animal
And W is there.
And to have a small little business nothing to big
Enough for me able to run the business. I have done
Over 20yrs in Business management but I always loved
To cook.

Before seizures and W leaving I work for Money to have New
Cars, Nice home and live under my means now I want live first
And am learning that.

No car is not fix. It's over 1,000 job with parts. Then I look around
There is mechanic school where I only pay for parts thank God
Still around $500 but better than over 1,000

I know am trying my best usually when it rains it pours but God has
A plan.

One day at a time

[bubbs16]

You can't place all of your attention and love into somebody who didn't care enough about you to stay in your life


What you guys think of this ?

[DnJ]

Hello bubbs. I am pretty sure marina would not mind if I spoke my mind here, however I replied on my thread. I do try to not highjack ... too much.

DnJ

[marina7]

Thank you DnJ
And just read your post everything correct
As our LBS stories are exactly the same.

Bubbs16

Thank you for stopping by.
By just reading your post lots of pain and and hurt within you

I think we all in the beginning have that mindset, W or H leaving us is BS

Ask yourself this question
Is it normal to just walk away from everything.
And as DnJ wrote is a pattern if your W took only little
Things then Yes W is also in MLC.

My W falls the script. Did 2yrs I believe it No
W left her military uniform, pictures, important
Papers, birth certificate ect
All her childhood pictures
W took a hand full of clothes and W bar I made for her several
Years ago. And money but literally blew it.

To anyone who is stable will say people our age that's not normal.

Just imagine giving a 15yrs old Money, credit cards and car
And No rules.

Bubbs16 it will take time.
If you go way.... back you can see where I just also said BS
But the more I got help professional help also groups and this forum
And most importantly God you will start seeing more clearer.

I will go read your post Bubbs16

I have unconditional love for my W or ExW
Because I also have unconditional love for my kids

That's why is marriage through good and bad.
I look at things very different and ways
If W had an accident and was in coma would I blame W
If W overnight had alzheimer would I walk away.

No I wouldn't I would remind W my love. I would constantly remind
W the person W fell in love with. You just don't give up on the person you love

Bubbs16
If you did then you was never in love. True love is hard to explain.

Am sorry your hurting but only with time you will see what DnJ and many
Of us are saying.

Remember we are here to vent and is ok to be angry our W or H hurt us
Is normal to feel this but also don't let it consume you.

[peacetoday]

Marina

How are you?

[marina7]

Peacetoday,

We are good

Thank you for checking in on us

Taking it a day at a time

Nothing much happening over here.