I was pleased to read you can see the start of compassion.
Marina is right, your feelings will be all over the place. Try to remember, during the rough times, they’re just feelings. They are not forever, they will change - guaranteed! I know it doesn’t feel like it.
Focus on you and your kids. It’s ok to try to not think about her. Don’t worry about not acknowledging your feelings or ignoring them, at this stage you frankly cannot stop them, you are attempting to find some peace and detachment.
How about we discuss some practicalities. How is your new job? How and what are the living and custody arrangements? Are they formal or informal? How about finances? I know, an ugly part of all this, however a very necessary part.
A lot of times the WAS or MLCer racks up huge bills and does not even think about how to pay them. It is needed to know your financial risk and obligations regarding her spending, loans, etc...
It is good to see you recognized the anger within yourself and your desire to not be that guy. You will experience anger, so find a healthy outlet, something physical, sweat it out of yourself.
I know how confusing things are for you right now. Where am I headed? What am I going to do? I have a suggestion for you.
Breathe, just breathe. Be patient. Focus on you and the kids. A heading or direction can help you stay focused and on track, instead of running in circles during this time. Might I suggest working towards kindness and compassion. Detaching in this loving manner has some pretty awesome benefits.
There will be thoughts and feelings of vengeance, hatred, anger, etc... feel them for they are true, and remember your headings. Feelings are fleeting. Your headings need not be.
Stay strong.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
