Feeling lost getting over it and maybe not caring

[Turbine]

DejaVu6, remember who I was before... been so long I'll need a tomb raider or Dr. Jones for help. Seriously though, I remember being assigned to the Enterprise and being tired of being in port and stuck on the ship. Live, eat, sleep, work, medical and dental all right there. Didn't have to leave the ship even in port. Except I wanted to and to be going to a place that was mine. With someone waiting and wanting me there. I asked God to help me find a wife. He did and I found Mrs. Turbine before she was Mrs. Turbine.

Really strange courtship, if you could call it that, and we didn't have much time to "date" before we had filed a fiance visa and were getting married. After we were married we were separated due to a deployment and when I returned there were three of us. We have never been the two of us, even now.

I enlisted and went to boot camp two weeks after graduating high school. No girl friends of note or for any length of time. Shy awkward and nerdy. That was me.

Am I that person? Is there some of that still in me? Not as much. Pretty sure I am past the shy part. Although my tolerance for stupid and dumba** is much higher now than then. I'll admit when I was wrong but I will stand up for being right more too. Not so much back then.

So I feel like I need a serious change. New job, although I really like the place and people I work with, new state (Illinois is circling the drain on so many levels)... at 55 years of experience.

Thing is, going to a new state would mean I would pretty much be on my own. Have to start over with everything, and I mean everything. From doctor and dentist to bank, living, employment, insurance... all of it. Some place a far removed from Illinois politically as possible. Chicago has too much influence in this state and it is a matter of time before that city and the state implode.

So finding me... minus Mrs. Turbine... pretty tall order.