My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

Journaling 23/02/2019

Hi all,

Just wanted to update my situation. Well, I'm waiting for the divorce papers I guess, which should arrive next weekend.

My WW is German, I'm Irish. She's now living in Germany with her AP, so she has left the emerald isle. I don't know how long she's been there, but I guess after I sent her the legal letter back in October, she moved quickly over, so she could file from Germany against me. It's quicker in Germany to Divorce, over Ireland.

I'm just very hurt in ways, that we couldn't even try and work it out. She never gave me a chance. Not 1 attempt

Yesterday I went to A wedding of a close friend. I silently cried at the ceremony, especially when during the vows and the priest talking about commitment and 2 becoming one, and marriage takes two people to make it work. Hot tears fell down my face as my eyes got red with emotion. It doesn't seem so long ago that WW and I took ours.

Once the ceremony was over, I went to the reception and started drinking and having fun. It was great catching up with old friends, however, they're all happy, dancing with their partners, while I stood on my own, lost, sad, scared and lonely. Everyone means well and asked how I was, but I didn't want a pity party and spoil the mood. I put on a brave face, but I'm only human. I sat last night on my single bed, put my suit away and cried again. Another lonely night on my own.

One of my WW's mutual friends, (she doesn't talk to anymore), told me WW sent her a Happy Christmas message. They have very little contact anymore.

Back in August/Sept after Dday, WW messaged her and our mutual friend got the impression that WW wanted to come back to me, but WW said (Manta won't reply to me)... That's not true, as I told her that I wanted to try and fix the marriage in August and September, however, we couldn't if she was having an affair. WW would not give up her AP or stop what's she was doing. My friend was sad and hurt when I told her this. She told WW that every marriage has up's and downs, like her own Marriage with a close friend of mine. She said that WW is seemed very confused at the time and is just running away from the problems she's created. She told me that WW had really changed last year after the miscarriages and perhaps her work colleagues were a bad influence on her and her behavior. I agreed and said she never got counselling after them and brushed it aside. She thinks WW might have some personality disorder. I told her she didn't talk to me for over 4 months and had never once asked to meet me, or try and work things out. Sept was the last time we spoke properly and saw eachother in person.

I asked her maybe in the future could she reach out to WW, see how she is and where her mind is at. I told my friend that I really wanted to save my marriage, that I DID still love WW, however right now it's so hard especially as she's on the verge of starting divorce proceedings against me and refuses to understand the hurt and pain she's caused me and all our friends and family. She can't understand why WW would give me up so easily.

I'm GAL and staying strong, but it's so hard right now. I'm doing my best.