This came into my mind when I read your recent posts: You have decided to stand at this moment in time. But you're a standing my hovering over him and watching his every move and trying to second guess everything that he is doing. You must stand aside from him. You must view yourself as a separate entity.
I was doing this so very well until I found out he was back with OW. And she was trying to convince him to buy a place together. That just really put me in a bad spot. During round #1 with her last year, he was so worried about anyone finding out, he said he would have to move. Now he thinks he could live with her? As you can see, I am not only hovering, I'm immersed. I would like to know why that hit me so hard. I feel I need to understand it. Maybe my IC can help me. I wish I didn't have to wait yet another week to see her.
H is good at making me feel like the bad guy. I am having doubts about my asking him to move out. But then I remember how depressing it was around here. I know all this is MCL behavior. You've seen it all before. Lived it, probably too.
It hurts. But, I appreciate your message Yorkie. I need to find that again, and go back to the life I have been making for myself.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
And this is the future they see. Anything is better than the blackness.
But this way of thinking, if you are not strong, can be infectious and drag you down into the pit with it. Get strong. Build yourself up and get to a place where his sadness isn't your sadness. His baggage isn't your baggage. Then, if you still want to, you can help him. Not from "will this save my marriage" but "I want him to be better".
I know that he reached out to her because she is better than the blackness. I want him to reach out to ME. Logically I know he won't/couldn't, because he thinks our marriage and I am the source of his problems.
You are correct in that I am letting his blackness be my blackness. I'm a freaking mess this week. Can't eat, can't sleep, and cry too much. Over what? A man that is such a mess he's not available to be a H in any sense of the word?
Or more likely facing the failure of a marriage I don't want to fail, the worry of the collateral damage his shacking up with her will likely cause my kids, and the difficulty of splitting up 30 years into 2 pieces.
I'm tired.
I need to regroup in a serious way. I have no plans today, except bootcamp this morning.
I think I'll get busy tackling another closet. A closet a month was my 2019 goal. January was the office. February is coming to a close. Time to get busy. Time for more boxes that say "H's stuff".
