Thanks guys - it was a wonderful trip. For the first time I lived fully in the present and just let things be. And I loved it. They were good people too - caring and intelligent and lovely to be around. DV - your trip with the kids and MIL sounds grand, but I would fully recommend going on a trip on your own. Get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, experience things and remember what it is like to be DV, not DV the mum, or DV the counsellor, but just plain old DV. I bet you will love her when you meet her. Look up solo adventure trips. There is one called FlashPacks - solo travelers looking for adventure (not partners).
A week without me kids. They have been away with their dad and come back on Monday. I have spoken to them every evening. These are short calls because 9 and 12 year olds don't really talk much on the phone. I tried to be upbeat and enthusiastic about things they've been up to and not burden them with my sadness. The most I said to this effect was that I was missing them loads and couldn't wait to see them again. I didn't talk to my H at all during these conversations, but they were on speaker phone so I could hear him and he could hear me. When I'd ask them what they'd been up to and they said something like "swimming" I would hear him in the background telling them to tell me about the swim in the ocean, or the fish they saw when they were snorkeling. When I asked them what the food was like and they'd say "it's ok" I'd hear him in the background reminding them of the desserts or the pasta they had. I don't think he was being malicious (i.e. we are having a great time and you aren't here), he was just trying to make me a part of it all. I love him for this. I still don't get why he won't talk to me on the phone though.
I have been trying to GAL. My motivation for yoga has taken a bit of a back seat though. I can't seem to get myself in the mood to do it at the moment. Maybe yoga overload last week but suspect it is too much effort for me at the moment. My preference is for GAL activities that don't involve me sweating it out in a gym at the moment. Monday I went and had a massage after work, Tuesday I had a facial after work, Wed I had a drink with a colleague (female) and we talked about how much she doesn't like her job, and thurs (last night) I went for a quick drink with a group of colleagues and ended up in a club at 5 in the morning. I had forgotten how much I love to lose myself in a dance floor. My late teens and early 20's (until I met H) were spent losing myself on dance floors. Its never been about hooking up (and still isn't). It is the feeling of losing yourself in the music, not caring that anyone is watching (or not). I know that I radiate when I dance. I know that I vibrate at a higher frequency (for those of you who meditation this will make sense) when the music is flowing through me. My H hated this. He could not control it. We would go out and I would immediately disappear on to the dance floor. He would stand on the side, drinking his drink, watching me. Part pride, part resentment. Eventually we stopped going out.
I am home tonight. Having a quiet night in watching TV and getting some work done. This weekend is also a quiet one, spent mostly on my own. I plan on sorting through my wardrobe, putting away the winter clothes (optimistic I know), making sure all the things the kids need for when school starts next week is ready and generally just getting on with stuff that isn't too exciting. Despite the lack of excitement, I will be kept busy and not thinking about how much I miss my children and my H.
