Sorry you're here. Steve gave you some great advice and I'd like to add to his.
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Well it backfired, she went and got a lawyer and filed for divorce.
Well, I wouldn't recommend doing things simple to "snap her out of it". That's controlling. And you probably, deep down, want her to want you right? You aren't going to keep her chained up in your dungeon right?
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She rewrote our marital history telling me she has been unhappy for the last 2 years.
I don't know if this is rewriting honestly. People are usually unhappy for some time in a marriage before they become a WAS. Obviously your W is likely a WW given her lifestyle.
Where is the divorce proceeding currently? Obviously you are in Last Resort Technique territory.
If your W won't move out, you may want to move out. You can't kick her out of the house or even the MBR, but you can try. Definitely consult your lawyer before moving out. A lot of people currently advise against it, but some of the older DB'ers would propose it if the WAS wouldn't move out. It will certainly help you in these ways:
1. Detaching 2. Stopping cake eating (AKA you being the built in babysitter) 3. GAL - you'll have more freedom there 4. It will let your W feel the loss of you
The whole move out vs not move out thing is tough. Lots of DB'ers find it popular now to kick her out of the house/MBR. A stubborn wayward spouse may not go for either and ultimately you can't make them. Every DB'er agree that not staying in an open relationship is a clean boundary. But if you are under the same roof and taking care of all the things she wants you to take care, well you are in an open relationship, you are serving up cake, you aren't detaching, your W doesn't feel the loss fully, and you have less time to GAL. See the conundrum? My vote is move out if she won't, but ONLY if your lawyer says it's okay. You don't want to hurt yourself legally speaking.
Here's a thread where the guy moved out b/c he knew he couldn't stand it being under the same roof, this guy really is a great DB'er:
