What's the best way to answer this? I don't feel there is any point in us hanging out unless she's the one asking.
It's up to you whether you want to let her hang out there or not but remember what we're telling you about lowering your expectations. It doesn't mean anything. It's just some cake-eating- she wants her new single life but she wants a little of the old family life too (when it suits her). You have to detach and GAL and try not to get pulled in every time she looks your way. Your goal is to be busy with your own life and when she reaches out to you then maybe you have time for her or maybe you don't.
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She did have her first counselling session last night and she said: "I feel like she understands me and I think it'll help". She went from telling me Wednesday night that she would maybe stay here Friday night to telling me today she would go back home to sleep.
Again, lower your expectations. I lot of LBS's think "oh good she's getting counseling so now everything will be fixed!" No, it never helps the M at all. The problem is counselors are really just there to comfort, soothe, and validate their patients. They tell their patients what they want to hear. So her counselor may very well have suggested she not spend the night at your house and that's why she's not now. Her counselor is on HER side, not yours, and not the marriage's.
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Bottom line - I let my guard down a bit Steve and now I feel upset.
It happens/ happened to all of us. It's one thing to read stuff here, but it's another to live it. We tend not to listen to or follow all the advice right away, but slowly we learn why the advice is what it is and why it works. It's a learning process, don't beat yourself up for not being a model DB'er from the beginning. None of us were!
