Gordie 23 one year after she dropped the D

[Gordie]

Roist,

Thank you. You touch on a lot of points so let me try to address them:

1. This week, the bedtime cuddling has become more intimate and sexual; we are both being cautious.

2. Yes, I need to remember: Actions > Words.

3. I vote for #3 too, the leap of faith and giving her more attention.

4. I listened to that podcast and it reminded me of the more thoughtful things I used to do for her in our early days.

5. She described a future where we travel the world together with worries or problems.

6. I said something along those lines in our last talk and think she actually heard me.

[OneArt]

Wonderful Gordie!

[Grace21]

These are wonderful developments! I'm happy for you.

[Gerda]

5. She described a future where we travel the world together with worries or problems.

That sounds dreamy. Likewise about the #1 on your list but I feel like a voyeur commenting on it! I was thinking about how your W might see #1 and #5 and how nice that must be for her, to feel like she was dating you.

Also thank you for what you wrote on my thread about Lent. You are such a good friend.

[Gordie]

One Grace Gerda

Thank you for checking on me; typo above

5. She described a future where we travel the world together WITHOUT worry or problems



Re #1, I am trying to keep it real

And reconnecting in this regard has its ups and downs

The road to a new relationship is long and hard



I read the Jack three beans thread bumped by Babe

Why the MLCer is so distant

I found AmyC’s comments insightful:

1. Admitting she was wrong was the hardest step

2. And that the LBS has to let go of all pride in order to make #1 possible

That hit me like a 2x4

[Babe]

I'm glad I helped;
I should say I'm so grateful for Amy's post and all those great people who ever shared their most precious experience and skills with us (big heart)

[Gordie]

Journaling

Some thoughts about sexual reconnection

Because so many of us face MLC + infidelity in our situations

I think sexual reconnection is harder

MWD writes about this in healing from infidelity

I think for MLCers

Everything is slower and takes more time

This is why we keep expectations at zero

Another tricky thing is male-female sexual initiation

W has almost never initiated sex in our M

We had an active, healthy sex life

But I always initiated

Thus when she said I am not ready in January 2018

I left it alone and waited

I assumed she would indicate when she was ready

So somewhere in these past few months she was ready

I felt her warming up

But she never told me I am ready for sex again

Shebwas waiting for me to initiate

And I did no such thing

And then she finally did initiate in December 2018

And it was awkward for me

I think I was not ready

And after she pulled back from me

And then she got angry

For my lack enthusiasm and pursuit

So I changed things up

And started initiating sex again this past week

And she has been very receptive

It has been good for her

It has been good for me

We stopped having sex regularly in 2015 about one year before BD

When she started her fantasy affair with OM1

So it has been four years since we have been this intimate

[bttrfly]

Your patience in astounding Gordie. I'm reading along and very proud of how you've handled this situation, with all it's twists, turns and nuances. You are a good man and she's a lucky woman to have you still standing. Many blessings and keep doing what you're doing.
xoxoxoxo

[OneArt]

I would see if you can get her to talk during sex or after. I think if she can do that, then you can make it clear to her that you would like her to initiate when she is interested and that she doesn't have to respond to your initiation if she is not. If she is tentative or wary, maybe she could give you a sign that she is interested and would like you to initiate. Maybe that lets her feel pursued and gives you the confidence you are pursuing at the right time. Trial and error. Just like everything else.

[neffer]

You are the best Gordie, you really are!