Since the BD on the kids, W has mentioned us being "friends" and doing things as a "family" several times and also that we need to have a "flexible" custody arrangement due to our work schedules. W has early a.m. video calls with people overseas once or twice a week that she cannot control, so I can see why she would want flexibility. She is probably anticipating that I will handle the kids on these mornings and get them to school/pre-school, even if it will be her day for custody.
Regarding being "friends", in response I said "we will be co-parents and do the best we can." I did not directly say we wouldn't be friends but I'm not planning on it. I am planning on moving on and between work, kids, actual friends, hobbies and eventual dating I am anticipating it will be all business between me and W and communications will be brief. I don't feel the need to spell things out for her -"this is how its going to be" type stuff. I am more a man of action, and she will see how things are going to be once we get to that point. I feel like trying to spell it out for her now is not going to change anything, its not going to give her pause as to whether she is making the right decision to D, and it almost comes across as maybe a little vindictive /reactionary/punishment. Don't tell her, just show her is my motto. Thoughts on this approach appreciated...
Same thing with doing things as a family. I'm not saying "we're not a family", but I'm not intending to do "family" events like amusement parks, vacations, etc. We will definitely be seeing each other at kids events, and I suspect we may do joint kids' b-day parties, but that's about it. If W mentions doing some sort of family day-trip or other event, I feel like I will be declining. Thoughts on this?
Finally, regarding custody, I will happily take extra time with the kids so long as it does not impact my work. I often defer to W's schedule because she has to jump when someone else says and I am in more control of mine. But on my days without custody I am intending to book appointments and have long work days so that I can have a lighter workload on days the kids are with me, so I'm certain there are going to be plenty of days the W is going to have to figure things out for herself. She is going to see my response to her request for help - "sorry but I am booked" - and she will conclude that I am punishing her for D. I'm not sure how she will handle early a.m. kids stuff other than getting our sitter to come over, but hard to see how that will work on a regular basis. I'll take the kids when I can, otherwise, Not My Problem.
