Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions. AS - I have thought a lot about what you wrote and I can see, from a divorce busting perspective, that I should have steered clear of all of that. I agree. A few months ago, that would have been the exact wrong thing to do. But I am no longer trying to bust this divorce. I have accepted the inevitable and I know my MR is over. My goals are different and if you knew me and my history of relationships and in particular, this relationship, you would know why I did what I did.

No, the texts I posted are not about co-parenting directly...but they are indirectly. Prior to the texts I posted, my H and I were having a conversation about our children and things that they have said to me. My son, in particular who has literally melted down when he said something about his dad that he thought he shouldn't have (once because Daddy bought them popsicles)... "I don't feel as safe talking to dad about my feelings. I haven't been very good at keeping his secrets so I don't think he would be good at keeping mine," was his comment to me the other night. My kids are very protective of me. They are bright and empathic. I get the impression that they feel like they can't talk about their dad or anything about their visits for fear of telling a secret (implied not spoken) or upsetting me in some way. I hate that. If their dad is living with his girlfriend and it is "their" house, I want to be able to refer to it as that so my kids know it is okay. I want to be able to tell them that I KNOW Daddy has a girlfriend and that it is okay with me that they spend time with her. I don't want them to think there is a major part of their life that they aren't allowed to speak about because they think I don't know. I don't want them living with the burden of that. I need them to know that their reality matches my reality and right now, that isn't the case.

The conversation I plan on having with my H is not about our MR. I don't want reasons or feelings or anything like that. There are a few events and situations from the past four years [I have made a list] that, quite simply, I want to know the truth about and I do think he will tell me. And I know you think this won't help me but I think it will. I am working on forgiveness and getting closer to it every day but I know that in order for me to truly let it go, I need to know what it is I am forgiving and letting go of. Maybe that doesn't matter to some people, but it does to me. I think it will be good for him too. I think he is carrying around the weight of some of these things and that "coming clean" with me and not being berated for it will allow him to let go as well. At the end of the day, I just want to move on and be able to look back on our history without a HUGE number of holes and question marks.This situation is not a win/lose proposition for me. For me it is all about peace, understanding, acceptance and an improved DV6 and I know what it is I need to know to get there.

So thank you all for your thoughts and your concern. I really, really, really do appreciate it and take everyone's opinions into consideration. I assure you, I am in a MUCH better place than I was a few months ago. I have come to understand that for the past four years, I was deathly afraid of the truth about my MR and I allowed it to dictate my life. I am not afraid of it anymore so am not worried that a conversation will set me back. And if I am wrong? Well...as DnJ wrote... I will live the consequences and I am okay with it. Love and (((HUGS))) to you all!