Grace, I have had that thought when reading your posts. You seem to be taking a some-of-it approach to the faith side of standing, which would I imagine be very confusing. For me it is confusing enough to walk through this; I think of it as a mercy that God has made it really clear to me what my vocation is. It allows me to do what Gordie often advises, to just respond as things come and reserve judgment whenever possible.

And I don't know if you have read all my threads, but I am a convert. I was Jewish before, and sometimes an atheist. My H was Catholic, and I often did Lent when he did. It was really weird how powerful it was, and I wasn't even considering ever being a Christian, let alone an active believer in God then. But I had no problem with the giving up during that time, even things that the rest of the year I battled to no avail.

Then God REALLY spoke to me through my marriage crisis, and brought me to Christ. I realized in retrospect how often He was speaking to me before that, since I was very young, and I just wasn't allowing myself to listen.

Usually I just look at the fruits -- if a thought or an action brings me true peace or brings light to someone, I assume it is of God. Despair, confusion, hopelessness, doubt, these things are never of God. Do you listen to Tim Keller? There are many wonderful free sermons on line. Also truthforlife dot org, the sermons of Alistair Begg, have been a lifeline to me. These guys are extremely smart and will get you thinking.

If you have any communities from the Neocatechumencal Way where you live, you might try visiting their celebrations of the Word or a catechesis. If you can tell know where you live, I can let you know how/where, but I know you may not want to do that, so you would in that case have to ask around the parishes. The Way does not mind if you are Protestant or Catholic, as far as just coming to hear. God will definitely speak to you there.

Did you know that Mother Theresa herself lived for a long time in a darkness of not hearing God? She kept walking in faith that He was still with her but it was very painful for her. I use scripture to guide me when I am in a darkness like that.

Last edited by Gerda; 02/21/19 05:39 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.