we have to do the Inner hard stuff while they get to play and have a new love and fun
Originally Posted by DnJ
It is draining, and suffering like you probably have never felt before. The inequity of this, H vs you, is so unfair, it really is. I suspect your current view (much like mine was) is one where he is enjoying his new life, and you get all this work and inner exploring to do. The real inequity is - you are going to rise above and flourish, he will probably sink further into despair and depression. Yes, that is a future outlook, right now you don’t feel that, I do understand.
I wouldn’t really have to, would I? I could wallow in my own self-pity, but that’s useless, isn’t? I had fleeting thoughts today that I might be jealous. But why would I be jealous of a skank he reached out to because he was lonely, depressed, miserable? I should feel sorry for her. She has no idea what she’s getting herself into. I would love to message her. But I won’t. I want to message HER H, and ask him if he knows she’s hooked up with my H again. (he is the one that called me Jan 2018, and H dumped her like a hot potato that night). But I won’t. Maybe I’m hurt he chose to reach out to HER to feel better, rather than someone who loves him so much, and is getting sick out of concern for him? ME, his WIFE. This seems likely. In reality, he probably gets a regular sexual release, and the emotional strokes, but I’ll bet they are fleeting. And now that I know, might even make him feel worse then ever. He’s his own worse enemy. I could be wrong. It might propel him to move forward with her now that it’s out in the open. I worry about my kids. He’s driving to see them this weekend. I hope it brings a connection for them. I know that after my pity-party I’ll get back on track. But true detachment and moving on seems impossible.
Originally Posted by peacetoday
But fast forward to 5 years from now: We are in a new more fulfilling relationship- they are broken and stuck with OW or replaced her with OW2 We have a connection with God- they are lost- We still have a home, job and financial security- they are broke
This makes sense, and seems likely. He feels like crap because “of all that’s occurred and all that I’ve done”. “I’m damaged goods, and always will be, so you are better off without me”. (His words). Perhaps. But what keeps me going is the God CAN do miracles, and if our reconciliation is His will, then it’s on his own time.
God, give me patience.
Sad that he’s his own worse enemy. He feels like crap because of his actions, but his solution is to continue to do them. Does he think “I’m already terrible, there’s no hope, so there’s no use trying to change”. Or, I feel like crap, so maybe if I do this one more time it will finally make me feel better? I will probably never have the answer. Makes me sad for him
Originally Posted by DnJ
Feel them, acknowledge them, stop feeding them, and let them go.
The stop feeding them is really, really tough. I’m digging deep for it today. Visions of her and him, and the runaway freight train of emotions are everpresent from the moment I open my eyes until I go to sleep at night.
Right now I’m floating through my days, but I want to live them again. I want to feel like I did this weekend with the diversion from a male (which I don’t think I posted about). Nothing to compromise my vows at all, but it was nice company.
I want my peace back. I’ve got work to do. I know it’s there, because I had it for a long time. I just misplaced it. Time to find it.
Originally Posted by sjohns6
Grace, you described exactly how I feel. I suppose thats to mean that this is part of it...part of what our path to success looks like. Think of this as a bump in the road. You know what your success and happiness looks like because you were in it. This is just a minor setback...you've got this. You know you do because you've been doing it.
Thanks for the reminder, and the encouraging words!
