This path is difficult, and will make you stronger than you can believe; stronger emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And it is such a slog.
It is draining, and suffering like you probably have never felt before. The inequity of this, H vs you, is so unfair, it really is. I suspect your current view (much like mine was) is one where he is enjoying his new life, and you get all this work and inner exploring to do. The real inequity is - you are going to rise above and flourish, he will probably sink further into despair and depression. Yes, that is a future outlook, right now you don’t feel that, I do understand.
Your path will have bumps, potholes, and many rough patches. That’s all this is - feelings due to necessary inner reflection. Feelings from withdrawl.
Feel them, acknowledge them, stop feeding them, and let them go.
Something practical to work on. Focus on you. You have felt the peace and happiness, you know you have, and now it seems so far away (emotional car). Get back behind the wheel of your intellect. Decouple these feelings from the recent trigger events, in other words understand why you feel what you do. This is an intellectual pursuit, that will most likely reaffirm your beliefs, the why you are willing to stand and remain faithful - for you (not H). Then the processing of feelings will not just be suffering, acceptance can be found.
Remember they’re feelings, they can flit away. Let them. You are finding and following your beliefs.
I found the spiritual path transcends all the other paths, influences all, is influenced by all, and is the hardest to “hear”.
Headings of kindness, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness are lofty and worthy goals. It takes time and effort to acheive and is so worth the pain.
If you have any waiver in your choice to step down - then keep standing. If you ever get to when you are sure, wait 3 more, maybe 6 more months, ensure it is a choice based on beliefs not feelings.
Originally Posted by DnJ
You are doing so well!
Don’t ever believe otherwise.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
