MLC? Confused what to do

[AnotherStander]

So I am at a loss of what to do.

Anthony- FULL STOP. You are spinning out of control. You are not listening to us, you are not implementing DR and what we are telling you here. We can only lay the tools in front of you, if you don't pick them up and use them then you will never even begin to repair your M.

How the sitch started yesterday. She came into my room and asked how my appointment went. I told her that I had a lot to process. I told her that I told my IC about what happen on Saturday and how she is still seeing the OM.

DO NOT tell her about discussions you have with your IC. If she asks then just say "I'm learning that I have a lot to work on, but I'm hopeful I can make some very positive changes in my life." Period, end of discussion.

The IC had told me to set up boundaries which I told my W about. She then brought up her BFF and about that stuff. Then she started talking about other problems, like how did I know on the day before Saturday that there was a steak ordered (she supposedly went out with a GF). I was in her purse grabbing the check book and locking credit cards since she left with the guy. I was mad. She is so upset of me "snooping" and thinks it is worse than her leaving me in the middle of a date.

First, stop snooping. Second, read up on LISTENING and VALIDATING. Go back to the links Cadet posted to you. Read them over and over again.

Are you guys saying I should threaten divorce?

No.

Cancel MC?

If you have MC set up already then go. But don't expect it to make a difference.

Her father wants me to go get a divorce consultation and put the receipt on the counter to scare her.

No, "tricks" won't work, she'll see right through them. First, quit talking to HER father about your sitch. You may think he's on your side but at the end of the day blood is thicker than water. Second, DO NOT do things to try and get a reaction out of her. That just makes you look desperate and needy.

She got so pissed that she deleted me off of Facebook and unfriended me on SnapChat. Not sure what to do.

Here is what you do, I posted it, you ignored it:

1. Join AA. I don't care whether you think you're an alcoholic or not, you need AA in a very, very bad way. Both to help you stay on track with sobriety, and to give you the tools to deal with your W's out-of-control drinking.

2. Clean up your act. Dress better, take care of your hygiene, go to bed at a reasonable time, get up early, double down on your work ethic.

3. Be not just an OK dad but an amazing, inspiring dad. Your kids have been living with two drunk, irresponsible parents for too long (your excuse that they were at the neighbors whenever you got drunk just makes me shake my head). You can't change your W but you can change yourself, and you need to be Super Dad to compensate for your W's shortcomings.

3. When you can take time from parenting, get out and GAL. I don't mean go to bars, I mean find worthwhile endeavors. Take a painting class, sculpting, ride a bicycle, build a model, just do something productive and enjoyable to you.

4. Apologize to your W and her best friend (separately) for your horrible behavior. Don't ask forgiveness, just tell them you are sorry, and WHY you are sorry, and that you are determined to turn your life around and apologizing to them for your awful behavior is your start.

5. CHANGE YOURSELF FOREVER. Don't backslide into drinking and hitting on women while married and all of that. Be a person that others admire.

6. This may be the most important one- be patient. This is going to take time. Don't expect to turn yourself around in a few weeks and make an impact. No one, especially your W, will believe your changes until you've implemented them for months and months. You've also got to be patient with your W because she is on a journey as well. You've got to let her go and let her make that journey.