I am a few weeks more down the line than you.. I started posted here in early January ( 2nd EA started in October 2018 )..
I tried to follow the advice on here, but also had to find my own path, before i could totally detach.
My partner had an EA with a guy at work in August 2018, then started another EA in October 2018, then started a further EA in November / Dec 2018 with a guy from the gym.
My ex partner took detaching really hard, and says it was detachment that finished us.... but i dont think it changed her overall decission really - again, just an excuse to carry on living the way she wanted. She was Cake eating and didnt know what she wanted - But she loved the best of both worlds.
She has since comminted to the gym guy ( although she would deny it on our childrens lives ) and sneaks around his house multiple times a week. She has cut contact with the EA guy from October.
The advise on here is to detach.. I tried in most ways, but still needed proof before i could totally detach. From my perspective, i kept digging - ( checking her phone, had a work friend follow her after work to see them meeting etc) until i knew it was more than an EA - Just for my own sanity if anything, as she lied lied lied. Its one thing suspecting, but i think "knowing" is important for some people - ( was for me ) - It was closure in some ways - and in my head knew i didnt want to ever be with a liar like her. I also found a valetines card for him on the 13th Feb...
That was a few weeks back. SInce the 13th Feb, i havent even given her phone a second thought, i dont bother to check if shes online and i generally leave her to it. I now look forward to her going out. She moves out in 5 weeks and it cant come soon enough. If children werent involved ( you are so lucky in that respect ) it would be earier, as for me this is the bad bit.. Its hard because they are affected and i will see them less - my eldest ( 7 ) has noticed my ex keeps going out at night asked "why is mummy always going out now"
I feel like i am detached now - i just needed to do it in my own time / way.
They are a different person to who you fell in love with / married.
One thing i have learnt from this is trust your gut.. Mine has been correct 95% of the time.
good luck
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
