I am on my phone so apologies in advance for inevitable typos 😌
You are doing so well. I have an ex too who is my biggest cheerleader. Difference is i was the one who left him. He was reliable and loyal and loved me completely and i treated him like [censored]. Whilst I would never go back (he has long moved on, as have I) at no point did i undervalue those qualities - even when my H and i were in the throes of our love affair. Now that i have been cast aside, my ex has listened to me crying on the phone, tried to counsel me when i was at my worst and many many times told me that i am too good for H and deserve better. On the flip side, he says my H really did love me and that he is good father. What I am trying to say I guess is those we once loved we will always love and that goes for our Hs. They will always love us - it is the baggage that gets in the way. the resentment that led to the little lies, the lies that snowballed into (your case) a double life. That double life that had at the root of it a tiny lie, maybe a sense of freedom / escape he felt when he was away getting treatment so he went one day earlier than necessary or stayed one day longer. Snowballed. it doesnt matter though - he will never tell you just as i will never tell my ex. Guilt. I know there was love. I know there is love. There is just no marriage. You know this too.
hugs Dv.
oh - You will never know how many lies he told, whether there is one or many OW - they do not matter. Understand the motivations not the details - it will help you forgive.
