No apologies needed. Just had a long conversation with my SD19's mother. She called me to find out how I was doing and to "encourage" me to stay in touch with her daughter to reassure her that she is still important to me. She was apparently encouraging SD!( to contact her dad (my H) but she doesn't want to. She says there is nothing to say and she doesn't think he cares about her and her life anyway...just wants to talk about his and she isn't interested in it as she doesn't respect anything he is doing or has done. She is on Team DV even though I have consistently told her that I don't want her to pick sides and have always tried to support both of them to have a relationship. I cannot ask her to deny her own experience, however, and he has been too self-focused these past four years to pay much attention to what she is thinking and feeling. It s#cks. They had made great gains on our trip to Mexico but those are lost now. He has recreated his relationship with his dad. Our kids are his half siblings and she is him. It is awful how much he has turned into his dad when that is the one person he swore he would never be like. Sadly, however, I think his dad is more honest than he is.
Still trying to shake the blues today. Had a text discussion with my H regarding our kids starting to butt heads with each other. He suggested we split them up for a few days to show them that they would miss each other. I didn't agree to it but said I would consider it. Didn't want to bring up the reality is that both of them would want to stay with me so would have to force one of them to go with him. He is so oblivious to their inner worlds. Thinks they haven't really noticed that he is living with another family... or bizarrely thinks that they think it is okay. The amount of mental Olympics one would have to do to think that way is beyond comprehension to me. I so misjudged his character despite many signs that he is not who he pretends to be. I wish this was a new thing. I really do but he was like this with his first W and with the mother of his SD. He told me it was a casual friendship and a one-night drunken mistake on his part. She tells me they "dated" for several months and today told me that he had taken her to his house twice to walk their dogs. I didn't have the heart to tell her that those dogs belonged to wife #1 so even though they weren't married at the time, she must have been living there. He just chose to take her there when he new his mom and his gf would not be home. SD's mom did tell me that she had chalked up his behaviour back then to being "young and immature" but given what has happened between him and I, it may be just who he is. I SO do not hope this is hereditary. I want a better life for my kids.
Anyway... a lot of thinking about my H that I thought I was done with. My friend is coming for a visit this weekend. Should take my mind off of things.
