It seems to me that my W favors my son. D gives her the cold shoulder on just about every front. W seems to try and connect with her in whatever capacity she is able to right now, but D just won't have any of it. S questions Ws decisions often, but doesn't cold shoulder her. I think that's why she seems to favor S.
Regardless, I read that too about having a favorite child during this and it seems to ring true.
I hope your Valentines day was good, all things considered.
I'm not going to say that mine favors one over the other, but she treats our daughter like a bff. My daughters friends all like to have slumber parties with them because she is so much fun. It's eye opening that some of our mlc'ers are about the same age as our kids. Mine is 16 going on 17...at least shea st that way at times.
Will they ever grow up? Will they ever return? Will they ever realize what has happened? Only time will tell.
Like job said to you earlier gerda.....did deal for the strength to endure the batchitcraziness!!!
Thanks for the scriptural reminder yesterday. I needed it.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Just dropping in to say hello, and let you know I’m thinking about you.
DnJ
DnJ, thank you for both part A and part B, and also because I know that you are trying to do what I said is the greatest help to me. That is amazingly considerate of you. As usual.
I read what you wrote on your thread and haven't answered yet for two reasons. One, it was kind of overwhelming so I didn't think yet of what to reply. I mean, I really liked reading that about my H being a fool or that people reading my posts might think well of me. But I wasn't sure I should like it as much as I did, and also as you know, I like in dark moments to beat myself up and dwell on all that I know is worst about myself and your post got in the way. : )
Friends, I think I am trying to prepare myself -- Lent is coming, and I know there are some things I love that I have to give up for those 40 days. Sweets. Colbert clips leading to Seth Meyers clips and so on to SNL clips. Rap music. Tiny House videos. And this board. Giving up things I do not want to give up but which maybe are not the best for me is that path back to total trust in God, the tree in Jeremiah planted by the stream.
(I used to turn that into a bedtime story for my kids, the tree by the stream always drinking that cool clear water. What a marvel how even hearing the story without knowing where it came from or what it was about would give them a peaceful slow slide into sleep.)
So I am getting ready for that surrender of something I quite like and rely on too much.
DnJ, okay, so -- say hi from me to the silvery moonlight on snow and silhouetted trees.....
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
That's interesting, sjohn, that you have had a similar experience. Does your D hang out with W even though she is angry? Or refuse to see her? My H does not really try to connect with my son, or does in the most absurd ways. But lately his line of crazy is that he can't be a father to the kids until he is free from my control and the way I run the house. thank you for stopping by!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
SBJ, that is interesting to me because what you wrote reminds me of my mom. I am sure in looking back that my mom's descent and divorce from my dad was MLC. She even said that same line my H said -- "You've been doing this to me for twenty years." And she became this fun-loving crazy wild woman that my friends and I liked to hang out with, smoking cigarettes, etc., even though in between I hated her and she really treated me so horribly. I don't understand how kids make sense of these things, I sure didn't, at the time. I became very hard and tough and rebellious though I had to run the house and still get straight A's and all that.
And I am glad you liked my scriptural reminder. My friend with the restaurant in Texas once sent me a pack of index cards, and on each one she had written scriptures for me. I carried them around and would pull out a card whenever I felt myself sinking. Just found those recently and resolved to carry them again!
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I have my kids every other week, so of course that means they spend every other week with their M. I get the impression that D doesn't really "hang out" with W, although she does live there half the time. D and I do stuff together all the time. Some of the things we do I initiate, other things D initiates. When I occasionally talk to W and she learns of the things we do together, she will often make off hand comments about how she tries to get D to do stuff like that but she never wants to. This happens quite often. At my Ds play the other day, I was walking in and passed the cafeteria where the cast was warming up. I glanced over and saw a hand popping up from the middle of the students so I stopped for a second to check out what it was. My D had spotted me and was jumping to waive to me. Now, I should say that my D is sarcastic and a bit of a tomboy. For her to jump to waive at me like that made my heart melt. I was chatting with a friend a few minutes later and told them about it (W was sitting there too) and W mumbled, she never does that to me, she hates me. She said it in almost a joking tone, but I could tell by her expression that it hurt her feelings.
So, I don't really see W and D interact much, but I hear enough to know that they don't really hang out much. They do on occasion spend time together, but its obvious D tries to minimize that as much as possible. She has never REFUSED to see her, but she will go out of her way to avoid her if she can.
I'm not sure if S is actually Ws favorite or if its just easier to hang out with him based on Ds behavior towards her. S thinks W acts weird, but he just treats her like a little kid. He repeats himself to her so that he knows she heard him. If she says something weird or irrational he calls her out on it. He openly tells her no if she tells him something he doesn't like. Otherwise they get along fine. Its weird...neither of them EVER act like that with me. They are very well behaved around me and we get along great!
I hope your day is going well. You aren't giving us up for lent are you?
You are welcome, and I am happy that I got in the way of one of your dark moments.
Originally Posted by Gerda
Lent is coming...And this board...
Giving up things I do not want to give up but which maybe are not the best for me is that path back to total trust in God
A while ago during lunch at work there was a huge commotion over what people were eating. A few took it upon themselves to judge and criticize other people’s food choices. It is one thing to offer a critical assessment and quite another to just be all fanatical in disregard to another’s choice. It ended poorly. Really! Grown men and women, it was nuts.
Anyhow, I said before there are hot button topics, two of which I mentioned previously here on this board - faith and food.
Never get between a person and their God or their cheeseburger.
The observance of Lent is an excellent choice. If you decide - log out March 6, and after April 18, if and when you are ready you know you are welcome.
Take care Gerda, and live in the light.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Gerda - Growing up a protestant, we never practiced giving up anything for lent. The more I read the bible, and references to fasting and prayer, I'm now wondering if Lent might be my time to totally give myself up to God in prayer, meditation, and self-denial. I feel weak right now. This latest episode with H has shown me I keep grabbing my sitch back from God, and I am a mess because of it. A highly functioning mess, as no one would ever know the deep turmoil I have now, but a mess all the same.
God is not speaking to me, or I'm not hearing him. Perhaps it's time to take my faith to the next level.
Anyway, I appreciate that your post spoke to me. Whatever your choice is in this regard, I hope that it will bring you peace.
Lent is a time of giving up those things that each person identifies. If you opt to give up the Forum for Lent, I do understand. Just know, that if, for some reason, you need to return before the end of Lent...that's okay. God would not judge you on this.
Each and every poster, at some point, takes a break from here and they are always welcomed back. Why? Because we are a family, a family that has shared and been there for each other.
We are always here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
