A familiar story with questions NINE

[RR17]

So yesterday's melee did lead to an R talk last night. Unfortunately, I have found that these outbursts seem the only way that W will talk reasonably without too much defense and hyperbole. Even still there is some of that. She is not a verbal communicator and this has been IMO the root of most of our problems.

W said she hadn't felt anything in a very long time. So without giving away any DB secrets, I went on to explain how I had been trying to improve as well as make deposits in, what I believe, to be her LL bucket. W took the LL test 5 years ago and could never answer the questions. I had to coach some out of her and the best we could come up with was quality time. As well as other improvements. She acknowledged these things and that I had taken that initiative and that it wasn't "happening to her". She said she didn't really notice, but now that I mention...

I also told her that Sun. when she said that she wasn't a "trier". That I had seen her try and I took it to mean that she choose not to try for me. That I wasn't worth trying for. W seemed taken back. She apologized.

We rehashed the entire R and as expected when I got to the A and it's ensuing damage, W got uncomfortable and I tried to focus on the effect it had on me and my ability to be a great H., Of course, W had no problems pointing out my past transgressions without any problem, it's her past that is supposed to be forgotten.

In usual form, this is all my problem to solve. I explain that love was a choice and that all the experts believed this. That the feelings often came after the decision was made.
Low and behold, my W is different.
She went on to say that there was a time when she really tried and it didn't work. I asked, "when was this?" After I caught her still in the EA and she really called it off and we were on our 3rd. MC. I replied, "Oh before you had restored my trust and I had no idea if you were lying again or not, that's when you were actually trying?". W didn't like that little perspective. I guess I'm supposed to forget when she was living and know when she is not. Puts me in a bit of a pickle.

This put an end to the R talk. I will add that I asked her where she saw this thing going. After saying that she didn't walk around thinking about it all the time (hyperbole). She said that she just took it day by day and tried not to have a miserable life.

So, this morning I didn't make the french press coffee. I woke at 4 am and tried to catch a few extra winks. W made coffee and told me she was leaving for work.
This woman is so lacking self-awareness and unable to express herself that I'm not sure that she is really capable of a healthy relationship.