Still bumbling along waiting for information but GAL like a demon.
Wednesday - curry with friend from childhood. She was a recent WAW / WW so we have some interesting discussions. She left a 20 year marriage following an affair with another man. She wasn't in a fog. She spent the last 5 years trying to work on a M with a H who would say things like 'we don't need to go on a date night, we're married' To the outside world it looks like she made this decision out of nowhere. Believe me she didn't and she most certainly won't be going back. Thursday - meal at a friend's house who has worked in Estate Agency all her working life and who's H is a builder. they offered to help me look at houses Friday - rare evening at home and a TV catchup Saturday - cinema with a work colleague Sunday - 50th birthday celebration for a dear friend.
For lots of reasons that I won't elaborate on, I'm still holding off from letting a Lawyer take over. There are personal financial irregularities that could have dire consequences for H and his career. Solicitors are officers of the court and are expected to conduct their personal and professional lives in a similar manner. In matters of financial gain they would be expected to 'advise' the wife of implications as they would any client.
I have days of feeling 's**** him' it's not my problem, but they are increasingly rare. That is not how I want to be. I want to find a way forward that means that we can still be in the same room together and not have ill feeling. We have 3 children and a Grandchild.
I sent 2 messages this week; 1 to say someone had left a message on the answerphone asking for a call 2. to forward an email about one of the boys being nominated for an award in relation to his career.
I haven't had a response at all but can see that they've been read. This would have provoked anger a few months back and another text criticising him for not responding. But not anymore I'm pleased to say.
I don't need a response or even acknowledgement because I feel proud that I can send a civil communication that lets him know things that are happening. There may be many reasons why he hasn't responded and I've finally realised to stop guessing and sit secure in the fact that I am doing what I can to keep some lines of communication open. If I have a vision of how I want our communications / relationship to be in the future then I have to do my bit to get there.
I've had a tough conversation with the boys because they won't give him the time of day and wanted to go and tell other family members about what had happened. I appreciate that in their eyes he isn't trying hard enough or doing the right things. I've said that they have to make a decision if they want their father in their lives (and the lives of their children) and if they do then they may have to get over their anger and find a way to do that. It's hard to realise that a parent is flawed but we all are. They are adults and for now at least they may need to do all the hard work on his behalf. In their eyes he has done wrong and so should be the one grovelling but I've asked them to think hard about that as it sometimes isn't like that in the adult world.
He's done wrong, they know it, he probably knows it but things need to move on now.
They've been marvellous support but I'm trying to convince them that Mum is fine and is getting to the stage where she might just think this is going to be the making of her. It wasn't the end of something but the start.
I wasn't unhappy in my marriage but I do realise now that we were almost catatonic. I didn't have the inclination or desire to do anything about it, so I have to own that.
In June 2018 I was a woman who had been married for 27 years with very few problems. Now I am a single woman striding out on a future on my own. Strange how things turn out isn't it?
