Maika, I know this all hurts, very sorry you're going through it. Unfortunately she is going to date, and you've got to find a way to be at peace with that. There's nothing more uncomfortable than imagining some OM is trying to replace you as dad and husband in your "family". I think this is where a lot of your anger and frustration is coming from, because if you look at the list of your complaints there's not a single one that's a surprise or inconsistent with how a WAW behaves:
- She doesn't consider your feelings - She doesn't acknowledge agreements/ boundaries - She doesn't comply with your "standards" - She lies/ misinforms/ dodges - She puts her own wants and needs before yours - She doesn't comply with your "schedule" (real or imagined) for signing the D paperwork
^^That stuff is completely consistent with how she has behaved since BD (like almost every other WAW). So why is it an issue to you now? That's what you've got to get to the bottom of. I think that's a good idea to cancel the meeting with OM and give yourself some time to process this. Talk to your IC about it too.
As an aside, no OM will ever replace you as dad to your kids. They might see him as a friendly uncle or "mom's friend" or whatever, but you will always be their dad.
This too shall pass, dig down and find that strength that we all know you have. You can handle this!
