Making decisions and confrontation is hard for me. Yes I tend to be a people pleaser. I am very attune to people’s moods and issues and I tend to try to keep the peace. Rex, I can relate to your ex with this relationship. Not the one with my ex though.
And ginger your right. I do worry that I am wrong to feel the way I feel. This comes from a couple of reasons. I suffer from anxiety, so I don’t often trust my feelings. I have been hormonal so I also don’t trust my feelings.
And my feelings regarding him are like borderline extremes. I am not sure if I am nitpicking something minor which don and some people IRL have pointed out or if there are some serious red flags. When I’m hanging out with him I will be fine, but then something might happen another time and I wil go into high alert I need to break up mode the day after the incident after I have thought it out.
And a big one is with my ex, I always communicated my needs and expressed myself and I feel like that was part of why he left. The things he faulted me for were being too needy, being too negative and critical and being verbally abusive. ( in reality, some of the things I complained about were valid and indicative of someone with an addiction (him sleeping till 3 and the money and spending concerns but with some of them I could have been better at picking battles and accepting him more)
I think the years of DBing - swallowing sh!t sandwiches and teaching myself to not react to unfair things were more damaging to me in the long run, cause now I am not calling NG out on things he should be called out on. Instead I sulk, get quiet and stonewall and resent. Which was more like my ex, who I would call the master of Dbing or just detached and cold as ice perhaps.
Don and dawn you guys are correct in that if I pinned him down and established a time it might have happened. I just feel rude pinning him down and really don’t want to chase or pursue a guy. I feel like I did that too much with my ex. I have communicated to Bf that he doesn’t invite and he told me I have a universal invite as long as he’s home and he has offered me a key. That I can spend time at his place whenever. I know that’s a huge thing for a guy. He’s saying he’s ok with me taking his space and independence. I’m not a drop in type of person though. I don’t want to feel settled and like I’ve been married and too comfortable with him yet. Maybe that’s it?
Maybe a list would be helpful.
And here’s something that happened so that you can understand my lack of trust in my perception. My ex is taking my son away with his mom and girlfriend. I keep crying cause I am terrified my son will get into a car accident or be kidnapped. I am living what it would feel like to lose my son. I know that’s not normal. the logical part of my brain knows that those feelings are irrational but I still deeply feel it. I’m not always like that. But sometimes I am.
