When I got BD, I told W I wished she would have been vulnerable to me, to have been open and honest enough. I know you mean vulnerable in the other sense but I hope you see what I mean. Your W was vulnerable to open enough to him on an intimate level and this hurts. I know it does. Many of us struggle with this part of it. We know this is so important to them and to lose that is one of the hardest things to deal with. If it was just sex, I bet it would be different... no but it’s not, it’s so much more. It’s the lying and covering up for him, planning the trip for him, lying to her loved one of umpteenth years for him. It’s painful. We’ve been there and many of us are still dealing with it. I want you to know it will get better.
You may want to confront him but you know she is not the innocent, vulnerable victim. She knows what she is doing. I don’t want to rehash what Sandi describes as the WW behavior. I’m sure you read it by now.
I can imagine these spikes of emotions. Whatever you do, don’t become impulsive and react. Gather yourself and read other people’s sitches to see how things played out so you can get a jump start on what to do or not do.
If you confront the other guy you are putting yourself in the middle and it makes you the bad guy. If something were to happen between them , she would not see you as the savior but as the reason why she is not happy. You can’t win, not like that. But you can let her deal with her loss. You win by moving on and not letting them dictate how you feel. I promise it will get better. We can guarantee you that.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
