The bomb woke me up, but she still won't talk

[lusa]

All I ask is if you will run things by the board before you jump into some major decision or have a serious talk. LBS's tend to make more mistakes when they feel a spurt of inspiration or desperation (whichever) and don't discuss it with the board, or give the board time to reply. I don't want anyone getting dependent on the board to make their decisions, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Understood. Thank you for the warning, I can see how that could easily happen in these situations, I won't rush into anything. One of the gifts I have gained through this process is patience, so I will use it here.

I don't think you are in Piecing, either. You are limbo, b/c nothing was said or settled, that I can tell. Here's what I am wondering. When you went back to the MBR,was it the night you returned home? I can't remember. And, were you intimate the night you returned to the MBR? If so, then there's a chance she is letting that event signify a reconciliation.

I moved back against her wishes and spent the first 6 weeks sleeping on the couch, like a lost puppy who was eventually allowed in the house out of the rain. Then one night I just went to sleep in the MBR, nothing was said. After a week or so she initiated intimacy. This would have been a very rare event for even years pre-BD, but at least I now know why. It wasn't repeated and now it is small non-sexual touching slowly building up.

I do believe she chalked it up to her symbolic reconciliation, and with my intel I'm pretty sure it coincided with her last NC communication to XH.

Is she demonstrating any particular symptoms, or are you going by the fact she has gone NC? How long has it been since last contact?

From good intel, I am pretty sure the last goodbye / Au Revior words were around the start of Dec, so 10 weeks.
She has played "their songs" on repeat when ever alone for a while, which is gradually diminishing now. she's shown signs of depression. I've validated well and initiated new projects with her, she has felt supported (obviously with no mention of the elephant). I can almost see her change every day letting me a little bit more into her heart as she lets him go.

You need to be secure in what you will do if she chooses not to honor your feelings. That is basically the function of enforcing boundaries.

Now etched in my heart........thank you

I don't recommend you show your sources of intell to her, b/c should she agree to your terms of reconciliation....you want to keep very close tabs on her communication with OM.

Noted, thanks.

As long as you are going to live under false pretenses and not do anything about it.......she'll play dumb. That's what WW do best.........play dumb! And, they play their H's for a dummy. (Sorry) You are no dummy. You are a good man, and one who loves his family. She's the dummy, and it sounds as if she needs professional therapy considering her XH previous track record.

I have been so lost in the desperate LBS fog, my fleeting realizations that her choices are disturbing and she needs professional help keep getting lost and forgotten. I've read stories here where IC's just validate their clients feelings and encourage them to do what they want, but actually this is more serious, her flawed decisions here are a real cause for concern. I will make therapy for her a priority too.