Walk away or re-assure

[2surviv]

Hi everyone – its been a while since I posted on the forum – I felt like I needed a break from the world and time to get myself sorted and my life back on track.

So, I need some words of advice - In a nutshell – married 26 years, husband cheated with a 24-year-old (he’s 53) – “bomb drop” 17 months ago - he showed all the signs of a midlife crisis – drinking with a younger crowd, changed the way he dressed, was angry at everyone and I couldn’t do anything right etc. He walked out and moved her into our marital home, into our shared bed etc. and I was virtually denied access to my own home (I was in rented accommodation). Over the subsequent 3 months he went backwards and forwards as he didn’t know what he wanted – he even convinced me to meet the OW saying that if I did so, he would be able to decide who he wanted to be with (that didn't happen). Reflecting on that situation, I cant believe I was so stupid believing him, but I guess it’s a lesson to learn. Anyway – I went “no contact” with him from January 2018 and then moved away in the March after which I had very limited contact with him and then only if I needed to in relation to sorting the finances/property. I detached completely from him – emotionally and physically which, while being extremely painful, was a real-life saver for me.

Fast forward a year and I have moved my job, accommodation and life to another part of the country. In the interim, I have had no option but to file for divorce so I can get my share of the equity out of our joint property – he was delaying the process every step of the way. We are now financially separated, and the last stages of the divorce is happening. I met up with him a week ago (his choice and he travelled 4 hours to come and see me) to finalise the last of my belongings which were in the house. It felt surreal to me to be sat with this man who I was with for 30 years and not recognise him. The most alarming thing of all was when I looked into his eyes they appeared “dead” – he clearly didn’t look happy and came across as being extremely negative in every aspect of his life. I, on the other hand kept up the conversation, talked about how I was moving on with my life and that I had no regrets about what we shared…. when he left, I told him that I was doing ok and that he knew where to find me.

I have never given up on my marriage and asked him to come back countless times within the first year (last time I asked him was about 3 months ago and since then I haven’t shared any feelings with him). Although I am much less emotionally attached, I still love and miss him every day and a part of me will always regret not being given the choice to try and make my marriage work. What I would like to know is what do I do now …….I didn’t mention his OW when I saw him and am assuming that they are still together….. so, do I go back to the no contact again (unless he reaches out to me) or do I occasionally send him a reassuring / humorous message to let him know that I am thinking about him and to keep the lines of communication open. In the meantime, I am getting on with my life and am actually happy with myself for the first time in years…….
Any advice/thoughts???