You have endured a lot. This roller coaster ride doesn't seem to end! I guess this is what they call a toxic / unhealthy relationship dynamic. The affair was obviously the worst but apparently it was a symptom of a deeper problem with your wife and how the two of you enable one another's negative behavior. I'm on your side though and even if you were too critical in the past or made any mistakes you never cheated on her. Any weak points that you have can easily be improved but her wild affair, unpredictability, and unwillingness to stop and reflect on herself is the real problem here. It's much harder in real life when you're bonded with your wife to move forward with a separation or a divorce. If I were you, I'd find a reason to travel elsewhere for the maximum amount of time possible. Does your employer allow you to work remotely? Or would you be able to take vacation or an unpaid leave-of-absence? Do you have a cousin living somewhere else who keeps begging you to visit or a conference you need to attend? I think a good two weeks of you being gone for a legitimate reason unrelated to marriage problems would be a great solution right now. You could refresh yourself and she'd have some quiet time to calm down. That's what I'd be considering, but if that's not possible then I agree with everything else that you're doing and asking the question of whether you can ever trust her again.
