Hey Sandi, the sexual pain was diagnosed and she went through so many therapies. It was so bad that she just desynthesized sex. The drinking helped her get over the anxiety. She still says she can't feel anything down there but did it for me. We both did not have any real history of drinking or drugs prior to the partying across the street. The BFF came along after we started going over to his house and she admits she didn't like her BFF at first. However, they could talk about anything without judgment.
She has no really other close friends which is why she probably gravitated to this guy when I broke that news. I was not the most emotionally supportive the last few years. I have always helped around the house for years and will continue to do that to keep my kids in a normal routine. They are my priority. She says she is willing to do the marriage counseling. Being a stay at home wife/mother and then kids no longer need her (first year of full time school for all) and the issues we had when the girls were babies (PTSD - almost lost the identical twin girls). Then she got this job that she was not planning and it is not a lot of money and she just wasn't happy where she is in life. I don't know if those are triggers but something points to a midlife crisis based on everything she has been doing.
I know I can't make her change her mind. I can only focus on myself and fix me and be there for the kids. I read the dos and don'ts and have struggled with some of them. We are in separate bedrooms right now but we have always been open and have communicated. We just spoke a little yesterday. We will send messages back and forth. I hope she really is interested in marriage counseling and we are both in IC.
I am hoping between the IC and MC, we can repair and be stronger. Just don't know how we can if she is still talking to the other guy and when I "bored" her, she just left me in a middle of a date to be with him. The next day she was apologetic and kissing butt of no divorce.
She told me last night that she is going to start talking to her BFF again. I am ok with that for now as it is more contact with her BFF than that guy but both people really need to be gone. I begged for months prior that my wife quit hanging out with BFF because she was toxic. I still do not know why I ever started flirting with her except I was begging for attention and her BFF was giving me the attention my wife wasn't.
