The last two responses to AS and I were great posts. I think you understand what you need to do, you just need to do it. There are a lot of changes to be made so don't overwhelm yourself. Like Confucius said " the journey of a 1,000 miles starts with one step".
Join the running club and see how it goes. Do it at your pace. (Running helped me more then anything besides my friends and family going through a D). But I love the idea of you getting back into martial arts eventually. That is something different that will set you apart from other people.
Again I am not religious, but I will never understand how having an open, healthy, exciting sex life can be frowned upon? I hope you are able to work your way through it.
I think you are heading in the right direction just please remember to put actions to your words.
Thanks, LH—I appreciate it. I guess last night was a moment of clarity for me.
And you’re right—I just need to get out and do it. I do understand that there are a lot of changes to make, but I also want to balance that against the realization that there is good raw material to start with—that I don’t want to get so down on myself thinking that the prior me was THAT awful.
I have had the tendency in the past to take on a lot at once—bite off more than I can chew, and I effectively choke on it. I take on too much, get overwhelmed pretty quickly, throw my hands up and say ‘F this’ and move on. As a former professor in grad school said: “It’s a cinch by the inch; it’s hard by the yard.” And of course, the classic: “How do you eat an elephant? A bite at a time.” Both of these I have told to my students at various points.
Got an email back from running club coordinator, so I’ll be on the email list going forward. And my students absolutely LOVE when I would talk about my doing martial arts in undergrad—that want to know the story, see moves (a number I still remember thanks to muscle memory).
I appreciate the affirmation about being in the right direction. At the end of the day, I need to put actions to words. This is something W has wanted me to change—sometimes follow-through is difficult. I would lose focus, get overwhelmed, or straight up ignore it for whatever reason. But I also know that I have accomplished a good amount in my life (and even in our MR), and that these changes have occurred OVER TIME. So, patience.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I'm torn between saying what I think about this and concerned that I may be imposing my own beliefs on others. But what the heck it's just my opinion and people can take it or leave it.
I’ll comment about the religion and sex point here. First of all, you can say whatever you want on my thread—to be truthful, it takes a lot to truly offend me when it comes to religion, unless it is straight-up intentional mockery of the Catholic faith (I won’t stand for that from anyone). So, in this respect, I give a lot of rope, because it’s a deeply personal topic, but also because there is so much misinformation (‘fake news’?) about what Catholics believe (and just not about sex, but about just about everything, really). I do this for a living—I present church teachings about a wide variety of topics (#ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion), and I’ve had to deal with skepticism from hundreds of students over the last 5 years—not to mention questions, skepticism and sometimes downright disbelief from friends, family, and yes, even W. In other words, I’m rather used to it, and I’ve heard a whole lot, so it’s okay. You’re safe here.
I do believe that for Catholics (and while also could be extended out to other faiths and people of faith in general, but I’ll only speak to Catholic beliefs here since it’s my personal tradition, but also my area of expertise personally and professionally), it IS POSSIBLE to have a healthy sex life while being faithful to the teachings of the church.
What I often tell my students is that a lot of the church’s teachings are teaching for a reason—the Church has thousands of years of the study of human nature and personal lived experience (but also science too) to understand why a number of things can be construed as morally wrong (artificial birth control, cohabitation before marriage, etc.) What I also tell my students is to trust in God’s mercy no matter what.
However, the being faithful to church teaching part would potentially require personal prayer, a relatively healthy spirituality, relative personal maturity and self-awareness, and I also believe a community of other believers (either localized, or supported from broader society in general). Culture does matter, I believe—no man / woman is an island.
A healthy, faithful sexuality, for Catholics, means a fully-integrated person. Pope St. John Paul II wrote about this in his Theology of the Body. Are we perfect? Heck no. Can we work at it? Absolutely! Also, trust in God’s mercy and grace.
I would say that this is a misconception for others (including even a strong number of Catholics), because the Church should more effectively witness to it’s teachings in the broader world. In some respects, we should teach it better and more effectively. Also, seeing couples and individuals who live it faithfully and vibrantly are the best witnesses—books help, but lived experience is better. I would also add that while some of this is on the Church, some of this misconception is on the individual. What the Church teaches is difficult at times—so some people choose to disregard it for any number of reasons—a lot of times, because it’s easier and more pleasurable to do what you want or what feels good.
