MLC? Confused what to do

[ovrrnbw]

AnthonyA,

you have a long journey ahead of you. I hope you take time to think about the many unhealthy behaviors you have been engaged in. You need to save yourself and figure out how to live in a healthy way. I see you making lots of excuses like "the alcohol made me do this" or "I must have mentioned a threesome" or "she drew me in" or "the next thing you know we were making out". These statements are examples of you minimizing and making excuses for your behavior, or what we say around here, they are "BS". If you want someone else to be accountable, don't you think anyone could see how you can't even hold yourself accountable?

You don't like your W seeking another male's attention, yet, on multiple occasions, you were asking her to open your marriage to another woman. This is insane! You add a toxic friend, drug and alcohol abuse, well you see what happened. You ignore every major red flag.

Your W seems to understand things a bit. She knows she is confused - how can she not be with everything I wrote above. She knows drinking and yelling is horrible for you two. You want to label her as a MLC, not sure why, but what about your own issues? Your W is open to marriage counseling, but her IC is right: you both need to focus on yourselves and your own individual problems. You both need to get sober. You both have some habits that need work. The positive is that these things are all within your control!!!! You can change this!

As for the OM you put yourself in a tough spot. Why is it OK for you to go outside of the marriage but not her? Your actions are going to combat your words time and time again on this. Good luck, keep posting!