We are all well aware of your sitch man. Ease your mind, find a way to detach from those long lasting expectations. You have done a good fight. Take some rest, it´s ok to be tired, who wouldn´t be...Be proud of where you stand my friend. Keep hope, exclude expectations. Protect yourself some more.
I always ask you for time. You know that. Now you need time to shake the inertia and start moving forward. It´s your life.
