I'm in the same exact boat where I have a bunch of unfinished projects around the house and we also we want to put the house on the market and get it sold and move on with our lives it really is hard to emotionally detach when you're still living under the same roof. My wife is already in pursuit, or at least in research mode of her new life and what she wants to do with herself. Whether it's a WAW fantasy or she's really getting ready and staging for her new life, I finally I am just starting to hit the detachment phase after 6 months. We have only been officially separated for the last three or four weeks. Put in those weeks you can really sense the distance. . My wife has said the same thing to me verbatim about finding herself she needs space tired of the emotional rollercoaster, etc etc. We've had some really good talks about moving forward, but as a guy this limbo land stuff really [censored]. I kind of have absolute thinking I wanted either one way or the other either to be completely done, or start piecing, and working together again. It's difficult for me to GAL because money is so tight that I'm living off of credit cards right now. I'm not fully detached this but I'm getting to that point where acceptance of starting to finally kick in of current reality. I'm starting to finally understand why women take their emotional space and attachment to gain Clarity on whether a person is good for them or not consider from all angles because Love sometimes just isn't enough. By doing this, they are examining a person's values their beliefs their way of thinking their flaws their habits. I've done some damage to my marriage over the last 10 years, only the question realize it's going through this what I can change about myself, she's just starting to come around to what she can change through therapy, what she's on the full speed Ahead train to her new life. That's fine I have to honor and accept it, but I don't have to like it. what kills me is the life she wants now for herself is a life that I wanted 6 months to a year ago. She wasn't willing to consider. But that's timing I guess? I don't want to be my wife's friend but on the same token I kind of do. It's not that I'm asking for table scraps, I know I deserve more, it's that I feel as a friend however there is still some whatever level of respect there. I did reclaim the master bedroom, after a month of living in the guest room. I think it's psychologically screwed her up and screwed up her plans to push me into the basement when she was the one asking for the space. however because I acknowledge her with a card on Valentine's Day I think it set off something in her, that I acknowledge her the way she wanted to be a acknowledged for the last couple of years. if there's one thing that took me awhile to understand is the attachment process. 4 guys going through this please understand don't be cold and don't be a hard-ass. Pull back set up emotional boundaries for yourself stick to your guns say what you mean and mean what you say. but be gentle and friendly just try not to emotionally invest yourself into a relationship if they don't want it. But still be friendly and go out and make yourself happy by all means necessary. my wife wants to currently go find herself and live a whole different life separated from me not only to benefit herself with the ga
Clarity which I understand now but I didn't understand 3 or 4 months ago. Try to be peaceful meditate pray, read, etc, I'm taking amphetamines now for my so-called ADHD and I'll tell you one thing it's definitely making me a little bit more Peaceable. I wish I did this 10 years ago when I marriage first started we wouldn't have had all the ups and downs financially and career-wise as well as old unfinished stuff in my life. I have a lot of guilt of bring to the table that I'm letting go of and I'm working on. everyone is right try not to initiate relationship talks unless the person that is leaving comes to you first. Slowly day by day you will become okay with yourself and the situation. everyone on here said it time and time again and I know it's so difficult when you're emotionally attached let's try try try try to detach as fast as possible you will stand taller for it. you will slowly become the person that you were meant to be, you will slowly start to step out of your comfort zone, and you will slowly change your thinking with the potentiality of becoming more attractive whether it's for them or for someone else down the road. Try to be okay with this, and in a healthy manner deal with emotions that come up periodically. the sad thing about me is I'm really really good at giving advice and supporting people but I'm horrible at following my own sometimes but that's getting better by the day. I've inspired my wife to create a picture Board of things she wants out of life and she was currently doing it last night. sometimes I'm very proud of her and other times it upsets me, because even though I inspired it doesn't involve me. I think that she's doing a lot of the psychological work but I don't think but I don't think she's doing any of the spiritual work which is where I am difference. I really look forward to listening and emphasizing with all of you and listening to your stories as we are all going through the same things for different reasons. I love you all. if anyone here needs to talk with similar circumstances I'm here for them, Sandy is here Steve is here as well as many others I'm getting familiar with.
