Thanks DnJ. I do feel like I have come a long way.
I was at pool tonight and one of my friends learned that my H had moved out. First thing he asked is, “Who’s he shacking up with?” I said, “no one as far as I know”. He says, “No, he’s a man. Men don’t move out unless they have someone to shack up with.” I guess the one thing I can’t figure out is if that is the case and his “roommate” is in actuality the OW, why wouldn’t he just tell me?” Divorces in BC are no fault so it wouldn’t have a bearing on our SA. And I’ve given him numerous opportunities to fess up but he just keeps telling me she is a roommate/friend and there is nothing going on. But if that isn’t true, how does he think it won’t come out at some point? He keeps talking about buying a house and moving out of his rental and presumably away from her. So if he does and she goes with him, does he think no one will notice? Does he think it won’t matter by then? Honestly, it may not matter to me at that point but it will matter to his mom. She won’t see it as him just cheating on me, she will see it as him cheating on his family.
When he was thinking about coming home and he texted me that he had dug a deep hole that he didn’t think he could climb out of, is that what he was talking about? Did he think that if he broke up with her and came home and I found out, he would be stuck with nowhere to go? The stupid thing is that on the very first night I found out about this, we ALL thought he was having an affair. He could have easily just admitted it then but he didn’t. And if he is lying, are our children being co-opted into the lie? They are 11, not four, and they are both bright kids. They do not talk about their time with their dad at all. Is that because they know they are keeping a secret for him? If there is one thing that I would be mad about, it would be that. But then again, my H has talked about just wanting to be by himself and the other night, he told me he spends a lot of time alone and he looked like he was genuinely thinking about that when he said it.
So.. I just took one of my emergency Ativan cause, as you can probably tell, my friend’s comments sent my thoughts down a whole bunch of roads that I haven’t gone down in awhile and now my brain is running through all the different things my H has told me and I just want to go to sleep...lol. Don’t worry though... not a backslide on detachment. I just have this thing about knowing the truth...even if it is hurtful, I think it is still better to know it. Anyway, I choose not to worry about it. This is one particular truth he will not be able to hide forever if that is what he is doing. Time will tell.
