My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

Manta,

It's overwhelming! That is the worst - the loneliness. After we get married we're used to laying in bed next to our partners after a long day. We have that physical and emotional connection to rely upon at all times. We feel secure and happy. Then suddenly that person is gone and not only gone, they're with someone else. There is no greater betrayal. And you can't just move on like they can. It's just so hard when that last little glimmer of hope is gone.

I like this forum a lot but there are no real names or faces or human warmth that comes from text on a screen. This is a great place to share peer support but sometimes it's helpful to connect with people in real life. I found some groups on facebook that are really helpful. There's a divorce support group here in my area that wasn't very helpful but maybe there's a good one in yours. It's important to keep talking to people who understand and who listen without any judgment. I found neighbors to be a good source of support because they're right next door and you can see them any time.

I guess what helps us survive this crisis differs from person-to-person. There's so much to figure out. You've talked about your family, friends, travel, and faith (I believe). It seems like you're doing everything right. To be able to admit your pain and talk about it is a sign of a healthy attitude!

You'll definitely be ready again to meet someone else down-the-road. Like I mentioned it seems like it'll be something different. You can never really replace your wife but I'm sure it'll be great! It's just hard to feel that way right at this particular time as I know from my own experience.

I hope you'll keep posting and just writing whatever's on your mind. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Thanks, guys, Good post-Nicole. I feel very lonely, but I'm surrounding myself with good friends and talking with my family. I never wanted this, I never asked for this, but these are the cards I was dealt with from my WW. She wants out now asap and thinks the grass is greener with AP. I enjoy reading others stories, sometimes hoping to find that 1 special story, where I can say "this is exactly my scenario and they got back together!!!", alas, while there may be similarities, everyone's circumstances are different. Kids, age, years together etc. All my friends/family were shocked, as they all said we looked so happy together. Everyone has an opinion, however, nobody believes it will happen to them. None of them have gown through a situation like i have. However, i know i'm not unique in feeling pain, as i see so much on these forums. I would love if we could all throw a big party together and just laugh and smile and forget about the pain for a few moments anyway.

WW's has thrown away a 7-year friendship, relationship, and marriage for a guy who is willing to cheat on his EXGF of 18 years to be with her. I'm sure there was some vacillation last summer just before the A was discovered, however, once she was caught out on Dday, she didn't want to fix it. Perhaps part of her did, but the pull of the AP and the life (fantasy) of what they could have was more alluring. She wanted that fix again. She was somewhat remorseful after Dday in August, even telling me she still loved me and didn't know what to do. Around the same time, AP probably pulled her back in again, as the last time i saw her a few weeks later in September, she had completely changed into this cold, cruel and selfish person who wanted out asap.

I'm keeping busy, restoring an old car, which i'm really enjoying, I'm keeping fit, praying and meditation, planning little weekends away and also going on a nice holiday in March... However, this is very tough. Part of me was hoping that perhaps she would reach out and want to talk about R, or at least consider MC. However, now she is moving in with AP and wants to erase me from her life, all our friends, family etc. It's cognitive dissonance and re-writing everything in her life. The thing is, their relationship was built on a foundation of cheating, lies, and deceit. Nothing good in the long term will grow out of this. We may well end up divorced now and I have to deal with that maturely with my solicitor, however in time, as the fantasy comes to an end, as real life kicks in, the same problems she had will appear in this relationship. She hasn't had any period of reflection or worked on herself. She's guided by her emotions and self-preservation. One day this will all be over, I will probably have moved on by then and met someone new and fingers crossed be happy. It's then, I will probably hear from her. Maybe, then maybe not.


I just want to be happy and this cloud of sadness/pain to leave me. I have been through enough in my life, besides my marriage falling apart.