I do love running (the runner’s high is definitely real, at least for me), but running hasn’t exactly loved me back. My concern is injury / hurting myself—I’ve strained my calf running before, I have asthma (which is controlled, but still a thing), and I don’t want to aggravate a sore back that has been really quiet of late. Riding the stationary bike at school or at the condo’s exercise room is okay enough, but the thing about the running club is SOCIAL—just being with others, and adding some structure / accountability.
Don't let fear stop you from doing anything. Join the club and see how it goes. If you start dealing with a lot of injuries then you can always drop out later. I was a little worried about starting xfit because I had been having severe shoulder pain for years and have lower back issues as well. 2-1/2 years into xfit my shoulder pain is now completely gone and I have much better shoulder mobility and flexibility. My lower back issues are not completely gone but are definitely improved.
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I’ll probably get killed for this, but I’m just feeling the pangs of loneliness for attention / affection / physical touch. I know that ship has sailed with W (at least for the time being, perhaps permanently, to be determined), and I’m nowhere near close to being ready for someone else anyway. It just hurts right now, you know? The word ‘pangs’ I feel is fitting—a cry from within, that is not exactly permanent, but it’s been arising every now and then (at least it’s not chronic, which I guess is good).
I understand, I think we all go through withdrawals for a while. Here's the thing though, did you really have that much of it during the M? I had those same feelings but when I really thought about it, there wasn't a lot of that closeness in the later years of my M. Sure we had sex fairly often but attention? Affection? Physical touch? Outside of sex there was very little of that. I came to the conclusion that I only missed it because it had been removed from the menu. I knew it would be back some day, either with my ex in a new-and-improved R or with someone else. So I found a way to be content with waiting. I think I've said this before in your thread but I didn't fully detach until I learned to be happy alone. And I don't mean just lived to accept being alone, but actually got to the point of enjoying and embracing being alone. I don't have my son this week, so it's just me and the dog. I get home from work and I go to xfit and work out with my friends. I get home from that and fix dinner, then decompress by doing some clay sculpting while listening to music, or do a little house cleaning while watching a recorded show. When the weather gets warmer I'll tinker with my motorcycles or strip and reseal the tikis in back or clean up the yard. I have friends that stop by, and sometimes I'll swing by their places to see what they are doing. Honestly I'm not even sure I could fit a wife into all of this, I stay pretty busy. And I am really happy! I love it this way. I have a GF but she is just one part of the elaborate tapestry that is my life, not my whole life.
So my advice is try to quit focusing on what you don't have because that just elevates it to a level of importance that it shouldn't have. Instead, focus on what you do have, or on the things you want that are within your power to achieve.
