It just feels like they are studying how to win at a game. Not how to get to know someone as a unique individual. And I’m assuming that if they are doing it, there must be other guys doing that as well.
A lot of the people who end up here are "fixers" who tend to overthink things and strategize including myself. I don't know how representative of a population we are but you are undoubtedly right.
I look at my past very few dates not so much as "practice" but as a learning experience. I learned that it's OK to realize that someone isn't a good fit and letting them go out of my life. I've learned that potential is all well and good but that it's the practical reality that matters.
I think though you are more thinking about how some individuals "use" others for their own ends. I can't really say if your bf falls in to that category or not. From what you've described he seems a bit thoughtless and lazy in his relationship skills. And that can be pretty normal for a lot of guys. He's not going to change. People don't and if they do they can't maintain it for long.
From what you write he is happy for you to do the work and really doesn't seem bothered one way or another about being a good partner or building a relationship. Liking different things is fine - but criticizing the other person's choices when they have no impact on yourself is a to me huge deal. CL would criticize some of my choices but then shrug and move on when I pointed out that I disagreed with her.
Originally Posted by JujuB
But I am not happy
And this is the key thing. It's one thing to not be happy from time to time in a long term relationship. The ups and downs are to be expected. Consistently not being happy early on is a problem.
Give it some thought. Come here and explore those thoughts if you like which I personally think is healthy. Ask yourself the hard questions. And if your choice is that it's not going to work for you - then end it. Don't "settle". One thing that I have certainly learned and it wasn't easy to learn - is that being in a healthy relationship with yourself is far better than being in a bad one with someone else.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
