So today the W and I finally met to discuss finances, divorce, and other topics, including R, as it ended up. I am sure that I broke a number of DB rules, but I'm okay with that, okay with how it turned out, and okay with how I handled myself.
It sounds like the convo went fine but do remember the whole reason we say not to have these R convos in the first place is because it is only a reflection of how your W feels at that very moment in time. Her whole outlook can change 5 minutes afterwards, rendering the entire convo meaningless.
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That said, she is definitely still in a fog.
Exactly.
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The only snag is that her name is on the deed, and it is my understanding that if I remove her name I might have to refinance the house based on just my salary - which I would prefer not to do because the interest rates will be much higher and I would have to pay significantly more per month, as well as paying closing costs. I'd prefer just to leave her name on the deed, although I am sure that I will get a bunch of 2x4s telling me how idiotic that is (please let'er rip!) She isn't going to rip me off, at this point I am sure of that because of her consistent actions over the past 10 months of separation. She hasn't touched the money in our joint accounts, nor tried to fight me for any of our money.
100% absolutely remove her name from the deed. That's fine if you want to do a quit claim while leaving her name on the mortgage, but please understand she may not be OK with that. If her name stays on the mortgage it will be very difficult for her to get a home loan is she needs one. Also she's leaving herself exposed, if something happens to you (car accident, heart attack, stroke, lost job, etc. etc.) and you have trouble paying the mortgage they can go after her for it even though her name is no longer on the deed. So it's a lose-lose situation for her. If she has an L for the D then the L will push her to remove her name from the mortgage, which as you said means you'll have to refi.
