I'm glad to hear from you, Lost. I will look at your update. If she says she will do anything to save the MR, then lay it out as to what you require from her in order to feel safe in a relationship with her. You might want to explain how transparency works for both of you. For her, it helps to keep her on track by giving accountability, and it is a way of "earning" backing trust that she broke.
Until I explained the side of transparency from the recovering WW point of view, I don't know that the LBS's on the board had heard or thought of it being helpful for the one who was trying to repair the trust. (I'm just going by what they told me at the time.) Speaking as the recovering WW, I wanted to show my H that I was not going on line to make contact with OM or look at dating sites, etc. Could I have bought a secret phone? Sure, in fact, I already had one, but I threw it away, b/c I had decided to do the right thing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
