Lost

[Jac12]

I have a question:

This is my wknd with my Son who turns 2 on Friday. My mom is back from Florida and we are having an impromptu bday celebration (pizza, cake and presents) for him this evening. My brother and 2 of my friends are also coming.

Should I have invited my W? She moved out of the home Feb 1. She has previously asked what we should do for his birthday and I know she's anticipating seeing her side of the family next weekend when she has our son. I know she will invite me to join that day.

To be honest, I don't really want her here tonight. I'd prefer to have a nice evening with my family and friends but I feel bad not inviting her.

Looks like this has already come and gone but I did want to comment because I'm sure similar things will happen in the future. This is one of those grey areas of DB'ing that is really up to you. My personal take on it is I felt it was important for the ex and I to continue to do joint bday parties for the kids to show that despite our differences we were still united in support of them. We also went to sporting and school activities and sat together (drove separately though). We continued to do that throughout S and D and in fact continue it to this day. Neither of us brought an OP along though. Some WAW's insist on bringing an OM along, if my ex had been like that I'm not sure I would have been OK with doing things jointly and probably would have done my own thing with the kids.

That said, if you don't want her there then don't feel obligated. Sounds like you had a nice get-together planned without her, and certainly that's a fine way to handle it as well.

Thanks Another...If things don't work out with us I do want us to be able to be be in places together as a family when appropriate.

Some of the advice I've gotten from some family is let her see the consequences of her actions, what she's missing out on, etc and the sooner this happens the better as she's living in a fantasy world right now.

So here is a good question: As of now, she's not contributing to our marital home. I'm self employed and she makes 3x what I make (I do well and can handle things on my own). She has said she doesn't think she should be paying half our our mortgage/taxes bc she has to pay for her own place and if she did pay and couldn't afford it she would be resentful towards me. (most of her income is in bonuses so if they don't pan out she can't afford the luxury condo she's in now AND pay support to me).

At what point do I bring up this conversation again? I kind of feel like laying low is the best strategy right now as she experiences this life but I can't drag this on forever. I am restructuring my business so I can be at home in the evenings for my son and I will likely take a financial hit as I get things going again.