Lost

[Jac12]

My own journaling...

This is easily the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. The ups and downs are draining but I'm doing everything I can to make sure life is normal for my son and that he's getting the attention that he deserves. I had him for this past weekend and we did a birthday celebration with my mom, brother and a couple friends and then spent the afternoon today at my moms. It's weird that my W isn't there with us and it's a sad reminder that things may never be how they once were.

I've so far done a good job of not contacting my W unless it's about our Son and important.I'm giving her the space she asked for and I'm positive when I see her. She now texts me once/twice each day - sometimes of importance and most times random things. My replies are short but positive but I worry that her being on her own with minimal communication with me will make it easier for her to not be with me down the road.

On Thursday I asked her if she wanted me to pick up our son next Friday so she could go out and party (which she has done every Friday since Dec 7) and she said she might not be going out as she doesn't have any friends. Her best friend at work was fired and 2 others quit so her social circle has reduced. Now that they don't work together it appears they may no longer be hanging out as much as they did for the past 2 months.

I do worry about her though as I think she has post-partum depression. She has said things like:
"I hate this life"
"I don't know who I am anymore"
"I'm not happy"
"Half of me wants to run from responsibilities"
"I'm a bad wife"

Now with her dad only having a few months to live, she's on her own in her condo, says she has no friends, and has disconnected from her family, I do worry that she's depressed and isn't talking to anyone.

Does this change how I should be interacting with her? Should I be more supportive towards her as a friend would?

I'm pretty confident she's not seeing anyone as she spent this Friday and Saturday at home even though I had our son this wknd. Is she still a WW?

She puts on a good front that she's happy but I know she isn't. Is she trying to prove to herself and others that her actions are right for her?

I can't believe our family isn't together right now...it's crushing. I worry that even in the event that she realizes she's depressed and gets help and wants to be a family she's too stubborn to ever admit she made a mistake.