The bomb woke me up, but she still won't talk

[lusa]

An interesting update, well for me at least.

I fixed something for an older relative of hers, In the end I had to contact the relative because she forgot. It then led to me stating in the discussion something along the lines of shes not the same as she used to be and has become more selfish, I also brought up the fact she doesn't mention her "simple faith" or moral integrity anymore. She took great offense to this, and had that face of thunder that in the old days would have led to a huge argument and days of bad feeling.

We then ate a meal she'd cooked together which wasn't very comfortable and then she brought up the subject of money again. Basically asking me to put more in the joint pot so she can put more in a pension and we can get a bigger house etc.

I have been thinking about this for a long time and so finally said that I can't make decisions on these sort of things when we haven't discussed reconciling and she hasn't committed to doing what she can to make things work.
She responded with something along the lines of we are getting on much better so I reiterated that the verbal commitment from her and our joint decision to R will have to come before any other discussions on our future. She made it clear she understood so I am really pleased I finally got this point said after all this time.

I've been re-reading Sandi's threads and I am seeing that she would be happy to slide under the door, rug sweep and pick up from where we left off. I'm so pleased I have become aware enough to not let this happen. I require commitment and honesty from my wife and I'm not ashamed to hold out for both or eventually choose to D if they are not forthcoming.

Anyway what would normally have resulted in arguing and days of bad feeling was quickly resolved as she instigated creative time with both of us and the kids painting and story telling, and then started calling me by my pet name and making it into a picture. It was a lovely hour for us all and I was surprised, I thought at a minimum the evening would have been shot down.

Later on she asked if I minded if she watched a tv program in the bedroom with D11, I said of course not, when have i ever got pouty about things like that. I want you to be happy...................and then couldn't help murmuring "it's so damn important to you!" We then had a good laugh as she jokingly told me I always spoil things by not shutting up in time.

I feel I just successfully stood my ground and gained a little bit more respect from her. The truth is I don't know if i can fully commit to R with her, there hasn't been much need to think about it when she has hurt me so badly, refused to talk about it and showed me no commitment or reasons to trust her.

I know I can choose to trust her everyday even though many parts of me are shouting "no"
I know i can choose to love her and act accordingly every day because i now know from this board that love is a daily choice and action.