I notice that huge difference between ginger and I as well. I do not really know if it’s the guy I’m with or just my personality or perhaps my perspective in general. I don’t think I am capable of being that into someone. Like, it would take me years to form an attachment or the desire to give more to someone I think. I’m not sure why...Ginger is a lot further out from her divorce so that could be part of it. But in general I view and approach men and relationships differently. (That being said, if my brothers were single I would have done my best to set them up with her. If I was a guy, I know I would have been smart enough to go for her). She is more of the giver in a relationship. I’m not. Like when things start to feel unequal, I get upset cause I resent giving more. I don’t think with my ex, that I gave more. that wasn’t our dynamic. He got away with more though and I notice and resent that.
It’s why I talk a lot about more kids. With my son, I put him first and have a very selfless and unconditional love for him. Possibly with an animal as well. I like that feeling but I get annoyed and bogged down with a partner And I don’t really understand why. Is it me, or just not the right guy. I don’t know. I am the type that learns my lesson. I was badly taken advantage of in a very early relationship before my ex so that could be it as well.
Now with this guy, when he gave a lot in the beginning I did reciprocate. I’m not looking to be a taker or to take advantage of someone either. I put a lot of thought and time in my gifts. I also do not ask for much in terms of favors or help. When we go out to eat I order very inexpensively and offer to tip (he orders expensive stuff). . I will pay For the activity if I invite him
I looked more forward to seeing him earlier on when he was inititiaitng more. I think about him but more in a am I making the right choice sort of way. In the beginning I was more positive. I think ever since that trip I have had my guard up and I am looking at more of the potential red flag stuff. I do pay attention to positives, But in an analytical way. I am worried that did I focus to much on the positives in the beginning and refuse to see the negatives until now?
Sometimes I read the stuff on here from many of you guys, and I hate to say this but I honestly worry that the guys I meet will be like many of you (with the exception of Andrew).... looking for a woman to date and take out when they need a companion but not looking to establish a family,or liking the hunt and then not being quite as into them once they reciprocate. It makes me feel safe with my BF, cause I know he is looking for the woman that he can grow old with. I know that he is more of the loyal type. I’m just worried about compatibility maybe? I don’t know. I did not date as much as I should have either because I liked him in the beginning.
Idon’t mean to insult you guys either. I know that what you all say is the reality of how many men feel And it makes sense for you to think that way from a practical position. I just know that I would go out of my way to avoid men like that if I could and it scares me that it could be a pretty prevalent way of thinking
