Went to a restaurant/bar karaoke night last night by myself and actually had a lot of fun. Got hit on by a couple guys, it kinda helped boost my ego a little bit. Turns out I was seated in the employee section so ended up chatting quite a bit with the people that work there. It was nice to talk to people who don't know me or know about my relationship. Its funny thinking back, if my husband were with me, I would have just sat quietly not really talking to anyone! I know its sad to think but thats the way I was, which I'm sure is part of the problem. We just kind of molded into one person.
Anyway, this is the whole point, getting out being social, GAL, doing my 180s. I try not to text or call so we barely talk, but when we do I've been making an effort to make every interaction positive, even though the inner me is just throwing furniture against the walls. Honestly feels like it doesn't make a difference if I'm here or not because my H seldom even comes home. Seems more like we're just moving towards divorce no matter what I do or don't do because he's already moved on. But I guess sometimes thats the case right? You can do everything right but sometimes it just doesn't matter because they've made up their mind.
Talk about a roller coaster of emotions. When he's home I feel uncomfortable and upset and wish he'd leave, when he's gone I just wish he'd come back. I'm trying to work on myself but man is it hard when I keep feeling emotionally pulled in different directions. I guess I just feel upset when he's here because I WANT to talk about it and sort through it and make things better, but I know I shouldn't. I should just leave him alone.
Anybody else out there feeling like this? H moves on like nothings happened and you're just roommates who see each other occasionally and talk about basically nothing?
