Dressed to the 9s and had a wonderful time. Perfect!
Looking within to see why you are feeling anxious is a good thing. Separate the feeling from the reason, otherwise your in the emotional car and reason and logic are quite muted.
Originally Posted by Grace21
I’ve been thinking about what made me so anxious about the thought of H planning a trip with someone. Certainly must be a woman, as he doesn’t have any male friends that I know of, and he wouldn’t go on a trip with them anyway. We’ve been separated for 5 months now, and he has a history of seeking the company of other women. So it’s reasonable to assume he is still seeking the company of other women. So why did that hit me so hard?
Some tips from a caring friend.
Certainly must be a women? Really? Why can’t he go on his own. He has no male freinds? He wouldn’t go with them anyhow?
Considering possibilities can be helpful. Others may give different suggestions or even better in this regard; however I believe in possibilities and explore them. Remember to keep them as possibilities! Not certainties!
He might be with a women, or a male friends, or by himself, or he was just getting information, or trying to get information about your trip, or costs of trips, or and or and or.
If you want to consider possibilities - look at all. There are many and it will help dilute the untasteful and horrible ones that your mind will gravitate towards. Most often it is not as bad as we imagine.
They are all equally possible, some are more probable. You currently are basing probability on his past behaviour. His history of seeking the company of other women. Grace, he is a different person right now. He is opposite of what you know, or the person you expect. This oppositeness is not all the time, you will not know who to expect when you interact with him. He doesn’t even know who he is right now. He is looking, searching, and running from what he finds.
Originally Posted by Grace21
So why does that hit me so hard?
(((Grace)))
Because you are a strong, caring, loving, and empathic soul.
Detachment, indifference, letting go of fear, etc... will bring much peace. You have the predisposition to find compassion, forgiveness, and understanding, you just have to walk the path.
Originally Posted by Grace21
But I think it’s time to start thinking a bit about why I was (am still?) wanting to stay with a liar and a cheater. Why was I so frantic and desperate then? I thought, and everyone tells me, I’m a sensible, grounded, smart, strong woman, but they also tell me I’m kind and empathetic. I think it’s this last bit that overshadowed MY needs, wants, and desires for so much of my marriage. I think I need to put some more thought into this, so that no matter what happens, I will never feel that desperation with H or anyone else again.
Desperation is driven by fear. God knows how desperate I was when all my life fell apart.
I am reasssembled, I am whole, and I am at peace. I found it is not that I will never feel desperate or passionate with anyone ever again. No my heart remains quite soft and squishy. It is the knowledge that comes from living through this - I will be alright. I have survived this and would not be destroyed if something like this were to happen again. I can and will risk my heart and life again.
Originally Posted by Grace21
Maybe the reason doesn’t really matter. It’s just another emotion that we need to work through, to get to the light on the other side.
It is just an other emotion to let flit away. That is the only way to find the reason.
The reason(s) absolutely matter - it just that you are not in the place for them yet. Be patient and keep moving forward. Those reasons and answers will come. When you are calm they will present themselves - honest. It just takes some time.
And Grace the light, your light, isn’t on the other side, it is already within you, and shining. Maybe you don’t see it yet, but I certaintly do.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
