Purchasing groceries we asked for assistance was nice, but there comes a time, that you need to rethink doing so. If you purchased groceries for two weeks, then they should last just about two weeks. I would stock up on groceries at your place of the things that your children most likely will not get at the home, i.e., if wife doesn't have or can't manage her money to purchase them.
You purchased gift cards for her. You've purchased flowers for her. Now, it's time to step back, detach a bit more and since she has specifically stated don't buy her gifts, etc., then don't. Sending flowers made her feel guilty for what she's doing and she doesn't like that feeling.
As for the anniversary, unless she recognizes the day, I wouldn't or I would get a card that isn't mushy. No gifts, no flowers, nothing but a card and if I were in your shoes, no card...but that's me.
As for your child's birthday, plan something fun for the child. You may extend an invitation to your wife, but she most likely may do something herself or expect you to pay for the entire party. You have to think of your child and what would be the best way to recognize his/her birthday.
I know you are a good provider for your children, but you have to step back just a wee bit and not get roped in when you wife says she has no money. The welfare of your children is most important at this time. As for your wife...she needs to learn how to manage her money properly and not rely on you to continue to rescue her even if you are headed to separation/divorce.
No more gifts to wifey! Cards are to be generic. If gifts need to be given, they come from the children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
